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Where have all the cowboys gone?
Written at on Thursday, Apr. 04, 2002

Why is it so hard to find one decent man? I dont ask for much~~kind hearted, considerate, outgoing with a good sense of humor and nice on the eyes. He doesnt have to be Brad Pitt or anything (although that would be nice) but he cant look like one of Picasso's twisted portraits either. I am all about abstract, just not in my men.

Now back to what I was saying. Just about anything opposite of what I have been dating would be good. I know that I am not going to find the man of my dreams at "Cheers". After I left "MsAngelic"'s mom's house tonight, I decided to stop by "Cheers" for a while. "MrGoodfellas" called to see if I would stop by and pick him up. It wasnt until he was in the car that he asked if I would pick up his friend too. Do I have Yellow Cab Co. on the side of my car? I think not! His friend was very nice...just not old enough to drink which caused me to have to drive his ass back home shortly after arriving to "Cheers". She-it! And do you think "MrGoodfellas" appreciated any of this? NAH!

Which brings me back to my point at hand...men are like parking spaces, all the good ones are taken and the left overs are handicapped. Lets look back at them shall we...

"MrBigDaddy"~ #1 pain in my ass. Gets top billing for that one. The most handicapped of them all. Comes with three kids and two different mothers. Was forced into adulthood at an early age due to mistakes and hates the world for it now. Has a heart of gold sometimes and a tongue of blades most of the time.

"Pitcherboy"~ Where do I start? He will sleep with anything. Pulse optional. Sex with him was bad. The only good thing he has going for him is his looks. God knows he's gonna need it. Beautiful face, empty head.

"MrGoodfellas"~ Another one with kids. He has two and comes with ex-wife. Thinks he is bad cuz he's from Brooklyn. He is nice but for the love of God, fix that tooth! Baby got BLACK!

"MrCostanza"~ I think the name speaks for itself. He is George's twin. Sex wasnt that bad really but at times a little painful 10 hours later when I am starting to chafe. Only time he calls is when its a booty call...any other time he doesnt know me. Fine with me...maybe someday he will let me knit him a sweater with his body hair. EWW!

"MrJohnnyAngel"~ More like Devil! He was right, I gave him WAY too much credit. Talk about "Angry Johnny". Man hates the world all because one chic screwed him over. He comes with much baggage. I have never seen so much anger. Drinks like a fish and snores louder than his Harley hums.

"MrBackSeatDriver"~ Can you say one night stand? I thought he was the kind of man I was looking for. Yet again I was wrong. I still like to pretend his fingers are broken and that is why he never called back. Although, if I ever see him again they might be...along with both legs and maybe an arm.

"MrAlien"~ Ok, way too feminine for me. Has more estrogen than I do. He was my "friend with benefits". Lives in LA and paints gun toting alien chics. I think he has watched a few too many X-files re-runs. Now he is shacking up with some 60 yr old woman. Am I the only one who sees the sickness here. On the good side, he probably doesnt have to worry about birth control being as she has probably hit menapause by now.

"MrBailamos"~ He too comes with ex-wife. Thankfully, no kids. Is so afraid to start a relationship with anyone out of fear. Drinks way too much. Good looking but a total Sponge-Bob. I think he came here the day they were passing out green cards to anyone.

"MrApronStrings"~ It goes from bad to worse here. I spent 6 yrs of my life with this mama's boy. What can I say? If love is blind than hatred is deaf, dumb and stupid. He took my prime years. I was 19 he was 34. Call me insane I suppose. Has tattoo on arm that says "Mom gives good head"! Just kidding on that one...maybe!?!

So here you have it. All of my disappointments of the last year or so. If I had to go back any farther this would be a novel. All I can say is that I have learned from my mistakes...and most of theirs too!

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