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Do you sleep, do you count sheep anymore?
Written at 5:13 a.m. on Saturday, Jul. 20, 2002

Ok, check out the time would ya. Am I the only one who sees a problem here. Why am I still awake?

I was sleeping at one point. Honestly, I was. Something woke me up from a dead sleep. I cant remember what it was. I think I have my suspicions. I dont want to be suspicious. I am rambling here. Its 5 am, what do you expect?

I think my mind was cluttered and couldnt hold on to REM any longer. That is my guess. Which is a shame, because I think I was having one of those "good" dreams. You know, the kind where everything you want, you get. Awaking to reality really sucks after that.

Maybe its the fact that I dont like sleeping alone and have gotten used to not sleeping alone. Right now it would be so nice to look over and watch him sleep. Since I am wide awake anyway, it would give me something to do. I could lay there and think of all that could be and all that wont be.

I dont understand why he's taken such a hold on me. How did this happen? When? Why? I am always too late for everything. Why did I have to start having feelings for him right before he is leaving? Hope, yeah she may be a lying bitch...but dont even get me started on Fate. Fate's timing always sucks for me. We are never on the same page.

I wish I wasnt all talk. I wish I could stand behind the things I say I am going to do and actually do them. I wish I didnt wear my heart on my sleeve. I wish I had walls...big, giant walls that no one could ever get over so no one could ever get in and hurt me again. Wishes never come true.

Right now I wish I could catch Sleep in a butterfly net and make her take me with her. I should be sleeping right now...but she's no where in sight. Not a yawn, not a droopy eye...nothing. The whole world is sleeping and here I am...wide awake and rambling on.

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