Well, it seems like forever in a day since I updated this damn thing. Not really, I just havent had much going on to write about.
I am happy, however. Last night at about 1:30 am, "MrCuriousGeorge" called me. I dont know where he was at, but I didnt care. I just wanted to hear his voice. I was very surprised that he called at all. I am starting to learn that his "perhaps" really mean "yes"?!?! Who knows. We really didnt talk for that long. That doesnt matter. All that matters is that he called, period. It shows that he was thinking of me...thinking of me enough to want to talk to me and pick up the phone to call. That makes me happy. He makes me happy.
It reminded me of a time when he thanked me for something I did for him and I said "No problem. No one will ever take care of you the way that I do". He thought I was meaning sexually. I wasnt. And I am not fibbing when I say that. I dont know why I thought about that today. Just an odd little memory popping up in my head. It was cute. Remembering it made me laugh.
I am scared to leave here and venture out there into something new. But most of all, I am afraid to stay here. I am afraid of spending the rest of my life here in California as stagnant and unthriving as it is now. I like it here and I have made wonderful friends here, but is that enough? I have a job that pays well here, yet sucks ass! And I dont really know what I will be going back to. Everyone keeps telling me how much its changed in the 8 years I have been gone. I have family support there, that should be enough right? I am so scared and so excited. I just know that the important aspects of my life arent finding happiness out here. I just dont want to stay here wishing I was there. And I dont want to go there wishing I had stayed here. HELP! I am so confused. How do I know which choice is the right one?