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Its not enough to just be lonely
Written at 12:38 a.m. on Thursday, Aug. 15, 2002

You know, I have done alot of thinking today. To put it simply, men suck! No really, they do.

See, I have looked around me at the men I see. Most of them have been so jaded by some girl, that they are totally ruined for the rest of us girls. Kinda like damaged, defective product. I once asked "Pitcherboy" who hurt him so badly that now all he does is sleep with as many people as he can. And you know, he had a story to go with that answer. I wasnt just reaching in the dark. He was hurt by a girl a while ago. I doubt he will admit it, but he is scarred...and he knows it.

Now, take a look at "MrCuriousGeorge". Being passed over alot of times can give you a confidence problem. He complains that no one likes him for him, when the real truth is that his lack of confidence makes him think that no one ever will. He didnt know he had it right in front of his face all the while. There was no alterior motive in my interest in him. I never asked him for anything or wanted anything from him except for him to care back. And now I realize I dont want to be with a guy that is that stupid. I dont want to be with someone who has to explore the thought of being with me. You should know right off if you want to be with me or not, without any thought. I can imagine him sitting down with a pen and paper and making a list of all the pros and cons of being with me. I dont want to be with someone like that.

Tonight I went with "Ms2inchman" to "Pebbles". There is this couple that goes there, they used to go to "Cheers", and you should see them. The way they look at each other and gaze into each other's eyes as if they are the only two people in the world. They have been married for several years and have a few kids together, yet they still look at each other with the same passion that they had in the beginning. I want to be with someone like that. I dont think he had to explore the thought of being with her. He just felt that they were right together, like two pieces of a puzzle, and built it from there. And just like a puzzle, two people either fit together or they dont, you cant make them fit. I dont want to be with someone that doesnt fit me.

He doesnt fit me. He might have or at least I think he might have, but now I see that he doesnt and he wont. We had fun, alot of fun, but that isnt enough. That would be me settling if it were enough. And I dont think I should have to settle. Its time to stop chasing a ghost.

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