Another thrilling saturday.
I spent most of my morning talking to "MsBoobsalot" and most of my afternoon talking to "MsAngelic".
Well, I am spending right now talking to "MrCuriousGeorge". Is it okay that I dont want to sit here and listen to him talk about what he is doing there? I really dont want to sit here and listen to how well things are going for him there. He should be telling me that he made a mistake leaving and that he is coming back. I dont want to hear about the king size bed he bought that I wont be sleeping in. I dont want to hear about the $50 pillows he bought at Strawbridge & Clothier. (What is it with people and fucking $50 pillows anyway?) So it it really selfish of me not to want to hear these things? Which is what I feel when I feel this way...selfish. I should be happy for him, shouldnt I? Part of me is, yet part of me is still upset that he left.
You would think I would be wanting to hear all about things he is feeling and going through, but I dont. I dont want to hear how good his life is without me. That is it, point blank. I dont want to hear that he is okay without me. I just dont want to hear it...or accept it. Whenever he gets talking about something, I abruptly change the subject on him. I feel like such a bitch for it too. I know if I had something good happen to me, I would want to share it with my friends and have them happy for me. I just dont feel that way with him. Shower me in ignorance because after all...it is bliss. Let me beleive that the sun wont shine and the stars wont twinkle without me. Even if its not true, let me think it is, ok. Is that too much to ask? Lie to me, damnit, if you have to. If I dont ask, will you promise not to tell?