I so should be asleep right now. I just got in and wanted to do a quickie before I went to bed. A quick entry...you pervert!
So today went okay overall. First I want to say two things to "Ms2inchman"...One, I am so very sorry that I didnt go out with you tonight. I have every intention of heading over there after the movie, which would have been at 8, but I got into an arguement with "MrBialamos" that had me unsure if he was going home or not. You will read about that soon enough. Second, congratulations on your soon becoming an aunt. Please tell your sister congratulations and that I am happy for her. And just remember, that I love you...you will ALWAYS have my heart. Once I can get you to break up with your girlfriend that is. Kidding. About the girlfriend, not about the love part.
So, yeah...I was about two seconds away from killing "MrBialamos" tonight. I took him to my house after I picked him up so that I could change clothes quickly before the movie. Oh my god, he was like a five year old getting into everything. Damn, CuriousGeorge the second and shit. He was playing with matches, which really set me off. Do that shit outside...FIRESTARTER! I guess my yelling at him about it all kinda fueled the fire. It was so bad, his ass was going home. But he apologized for it, so it was cool. You just dont go to someone's house and start getting into their shit.
So we made it to the movies after all. We bought tickets to Blue Crush, but ended up seeing Four Feathers...third time for me. He liked it and I didnt particularly want to see Blue Crush anyway. So it all worked out for both of us.
After that, we headed over to the bad "Cheers". I forewarned him before we got there...if you want me to take you home, tell me now, I wont mind, but dont get me there and then start bitching that you want to go home. We were all good for a while, then he started whining about wanting to go home. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH? Forewarned is fairwarned. I wasnt budging on leaving. I dont go out all that often, so when do I intend to enjoy it.
We were sitting out on the bench having a smoke when he mentioned that he was going to go back inside and just get drunk. Well, that set me off. It probably shouldnt have, but it did. I started telling him how he doesnt have a clue who he is and that he has to figure that out before he incorporates someone else into the equation. He is in this whole of depression and I cant handle it. It was fine when I was depressed too, but now it just pulls me down with him when I am around him. I also told him that he is on a self-destructive path and how I think he is still a player and I would never take him seriously. He just sat there and didnt say anything, but I think I may have hurt his feeling. I didnt mean to, I just needed to say it to him. he was complaining that he is no where near where he wants to be in life and he is lonely. Yeah I feel your pain there babe, but going to bars and drinking all the time is just avoidance and will only do more harm than help. I didnt realize until tonight just how low his self esteem is. I feel bad, because he doesnt have much. That explains alot of why he is the way he is about certain things.
It was really sweet because as we were talking, "MrRingOfFire" came out and sat there with us. He offered up some pearls of wisdom too. It was really sweet and thoughtful. He told "MrBialamos" that he should start coming kayaking with him on the weekends and start getting out with him more. I think that is a very good idea. I started feeling better when I got out and started doing things that were productive, instead of destructive.
On the way home, he kept asking me why I wouldnt take him seriously. I just basically told him that you cant expect someone to love you when you dont love yourself. That you cant expect someone to come along and try to get to know you when you dont even know who you are yourself. I really didnt mean to hurt his feelings. I told him that I would never say anything to intentionally hurt him, I only say this because I thin it will help him, kinda like constructive criticism.
He really has potential, he just needs to get his ducks in a row here and grow up a little bit. His mentality is okay for a 21 yr old, but he is 31 and its time to grow up a bit. I was afraid that I had hurt his feelings and I didnt really mean to. He actually thanked me for what I said to him saying that it was what he needed to hear. I hope he knows I only said it because I care.
When we got to his house, he started in on getting a little sappy, but it was cool. He told me how much he cared about me too. He gave me a hug and then leaned in...he got the cheek. But two minutes later he attempted again, so I gave in that time. No harm, no foul, right?
So that is how it all went down tonight. Not really all that interesting, huh?