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Even if it's a lie, say it will be alright, and I shall believe
Written at 12:52 p.m. on Wednesday, Oct. 02, 2002

I chose not to write an entry yesterday for a reason. If I had written, it would have just been me bitching and yelling anyway. And no one wants to hear that.

I dont know what happened or where it went wrong, but I spent almost my entire day being "Uber-bitch". Yeah, that was no fun. It was like I had just snapped. And not just in half, into a million tiny little pieces. And deep down, I truly know why it feel apart. Although, denial is so much more sweeter than the truth sometimes. But that's just me, the ostrich, putting my head in the sand again because if I dont see it, it just doesnt exist right? But every now and then, I have to pull my head up out of the sand and look the truth in the face no matter how blinding it is to look at.

I have always been the kind of person, and my friends can vouch for this, that prefers to be in denial. Its my "mushroom theory"...keep me in the dark and feed me a bunch of shit and I will be happy and grow. That is a bad thing to do. "Ms2inchman" is always telling me that I ask opinions and arent happy unless I get the answer I wanted. And I know that defeats the purpose of asking someone for their opinion. It's kinda like an inside joke with her...she jokes that she is the person that tells me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear. And sometimes I need that.

And yesterday it took sitting on the phone with her for a while to snap me out of my funk. I didnt want to talk to anyone yesterday. I came home "Uber-bitch style" and immediately retreated into my room and stayed there for quite some time. I didnt even really go online. Which those of you that know me, know how unlike me that is.

But I am feeling all better now. I got myself back on track today and am doing what I should do to keep it that way. Or should I say, have to do. Everyone has off days, mine are way off sometimes. But such is life, eh? So I am thinking that I need to get out tonight and do something. I may grab the girls and head out to that new place that I went to last week. I really like that place. Its nothing like "Cheers" and the people are so nice at this place. So, yeah, I am getting out tonight.

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