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No, you're never gonna get, never, ever gonna get it
Written at 9:12 a.m. on Wednesday, Oct. 23, 2002

Last night was pretty entertaining to say the least. I am starting to think my friends, these people that I love more than life, ARE ON CRACK!

Well, first let me start off by saying that when I came home, there was a message waiting from "MrTrojan". So I called and talked to him for a while. I am still stuck on the whole Scrabble thing. But he is so cute and adorable that it just works for him.

So the next call I received was from "MsSlowCookingTheBeans". This was the beginning of my disturbing phone calls. She had asked when I was going to be going to some of her church functions, so I just told her I didnt know. She asked what I was doing this week. So I told her...Wednesday is a movie with "MrBialamos", Thursday is my shot (dont go anywhere on Thursdays), and Friday is "MrMusicMan". Then she tells me..."I will pray for you". WTF? Why is it that she feels the need to pray for me? She said its because she knows first hand what living a life like mine can come to. What is that about? What kind of life am I living? Yeah, it wasnt that long ago that she was sleeping with random men she met off the internet. So I dont really need any of her pearls of wisdom there. I am only assuming that is what she thinks she needs to pray for me for.

So then Disturbing Call #2 came from "MrBialamos". He called to talk about the movie tonight. Then he started in on when I am going to go to church with him. I am surrounded by holy-roll'n-bible-beaters. Somehow our conversation then went from talking about that, to talking about sex. He had mentioned that he hasnt been with anyone in 8 months. I told him that's funny, because the last time I saw him he told me it had been 2 years. And it was only a month ago when I saw him and he said that...my birthday to be exact. Someone's lieing and I am not pointing any fingers *cough"MRBIALAMOS"cough*. So then he mentions that instead of going to see a movie tomorrow that we should rent one, get some wine, have it romantic and GET IT ON. Who says "get it on"? Oh yeah, I almost forgot who I was talking about. I laughed at him. He didnt get the hint and then asked if he can come over. It was more like "How about I stop and get a 6 pack of condoms and you let me in the gate in about 30 minutes?". Ummm, how about I dont and call the rental office in the morning and thank them that we have a gate.

He and I have hit our mental wall. The boundaries between us have been laid. This will not be going any further than this. Keeping our relationship, which is just a friendship, at this level keeps it better between us. I dont think it should go any farther. Better yet, I dont really want it to go any farther. He is better just being a good friend.

And just to point out exactly how "challenged" he is, while we were talking he kind of made this "Ha ha, yeah" sound. I can barely describe it, but it was a strange sound. So I asked what that was for. He said "You know, like Bonehead and David...on tv". Ok, is that some Mexican program that they have that we dont have here? Because I have never heard of Bonehead and David. So I sit and think for a second and say..."Are you sure you arent thinking about Beavis and Butthead". To which he let out this exhuberant YES to! And now you know by challenged, I meant mentally.

So yeah, I have two bible beaters...one who thinks I should go to church and not sleep with anyone, while the other one thinks I should go to church and not sleep with anyone...but him. When did my life become this huge oxymoron...maybe its all the morons.

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