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But I dont deserve to be lonely just 'cuz you say I do...
Written at 7:46 p.m. on Saturday, Nov. 30, 2002

"MrDiamond" [6:23 PM]: so, what happened? did he flake completely?

MsPsyched1 [6:23 PM]: No I heard from him yesterday and twice today

MsPsyched1 [6:23 PM]: although I havent seen him since I dropped him off yesterday

"MrDiamond" [6:24 PM]: and.....

MsPsyched1 [6:24 PM]: nothing really

"MrDiamond" [6:24 PM]: did he have a good reason to ditch you?

MsPsyched1 [6:24 PM]: He just said that stuff happened with his son

MsPsyched1 [6:24 PM]: and he had to go and pick him up

"MrDiamond" [6:24 PM]: sounds like a load of bullshit

MsPsyched1 [6:25 PM]: this is coming from the same person that said yesterday to calm down, its his son and you would do the same

"MrDiamond" [6:26 PM]: emergency is one thing. something happeneing to his son that sounds mondane is something different

MsPsyched1 [6:26 PM]: also supposedly he cant reach his ex to even let her know all this happened

"MrDiamond" [6:26 PM]: and you are buying all of this, right?

MsPsyched1 [6:27 PM]: why do you have to say that?

MsPsyched1 [6:27 PM]: like that?

MsPsyched1 [6:27 PM]: like I am fucking stupid or something

"MrDiamond" [6:27 PM]: becuase it all sounds like a load of bullshit. straight from the cow's ass

MsPsyched1 [6:27 PM]: why is that?

"MrDiamond" [6:28 PM]: if you are questioning this, then you are giving him the benefit of the doubt

"MrDiamond" [6:28 PM]: S U C K E R

MsPsyched1 [6:28 PM]: that's not completely true

MsPsyched1 [6:28 PM]: you know...I love you do death...but fuck you

"MrDiamond" [6:29 PM]: I KNOW

"MrDiamond" [6:29 PM]: i am an ass

"MrDiamond" [6:29 PM]: i would dump him and move on

MsPsyched1 [6:29 PM]: That is something for me to think about

"MrDiamond" [6:30 PM]: i hope so. you are going to get burned again

"MrDiamond" [6:30 PM]: and i dont want that. i want you to be happy

"MrDiamond" [6:30 PM]: =)

"MrDiamond" [6:30 PM]: i love you

"MrDiamond" [6:30 PM]: =)

MsPsyched1 [6:30 PM]: then why is it so hard for you to not see the failure in everything?

"MrDiamond" [6:32 PM]: why is it soooooo easy for you to believe in something when you know it is destructive

MsPsyched1 [6:33 PM]: how is it destructive? You know, every relationship I have been in, you see failure right from the start. You have never seen the two of us together, you have never met him...he is not generally like this

"MrDiamond" [6:38 PM]: well. it is clear you are going to defend him. like you defended all of the rest

"MrDiamond" [6:38 PM]: like "Pitcherboy"

"MrDiamond" [6:38 PM]: or "MrBitchOnABike"

"MrDiamond" [6:38 PM]: and the one before

"MrDiamond" [6:38 PM]: and the one before....and so on and so on

MsPsyched1 [6:39 PM]: But that's my choice, my decision to make

MsPsyched1 [6:40 PM]: I am not defending him, I think he is partial bullshit

"MrDiamond" [6:40 PM]: this is a redflag issue like the rest. when you dont see them, you get hurt. when you see them, but CHOOSE to ignore them, then you get hurt and feel stupid. it is a pattern with you

MsPsyched1 [6:41 PM]: so what?

"MrDiamond" [6:41 PM]: why waste your time with this loser, when you can be looking for the guy who is right for you and avoid getting hurt

MsPsyched1 [6:42 PM]: and I always get back up, brush it off and move along...would be no different

"MrDiamond" [6:42 PM]: no

"MrDiamond" [6:43 PM]: when you bend metal, you can never get it perfectly straight again. same with you. although you are resiliant, every time you get hurt, you are somehow changed and different. i am afraid that some guy is **really** and somehow change you to the point, that I may no longer recognize you anymore

"MrDiamond" [6:44 PM]: ***really** going to hurt you^

MsPsyched1 [6:45 PM]: I appreciate your concern

"MrDiamond" [6:47 PM]: why do you get like this?

MsPsyched1 [6:47 PM]: get like what?

"MrDiamond" [6:47 PM]: are you so desperate for any type of affection, that you will believe any bullshit presented to you in the hopes that it may be someone genuine? no one genuine proposes to you after a few weeks

"MrDiamond" [6:48 PM]: can't you see?

"MrDiamond" [6:48 PM]: this is a self-esteem issue

MsPsyched1 [6:48 PM]: You know what...this conversation is over

"MrDiamond" [6:49 PM]: i am sorry if what i said seems over the top, but stop for a moment and look around you. see what is happening to you. this is getting serious

MsPsyched1 [6:50 PM]: This is my life...Its my choice to do what I want with it.

MsPsyched1 [6:50 PM]: At first I appreciated your concern, but then it crossed over into something that it doesnt need to be

"MrDiamond" [6:50 PM]: well. when this "Pitcherboy" clone hurts you again...... i dont want to hear about it

MsPsyched1 [6:51 PM]: its like you wont be content until I say I am breaking it off with him

MsPsyched1 [6:51 PM]: and you know what, you wont hear about...because I can more than see you arent wanting to be supportive...you just want to point out all of my mistakes and show how this will be no different

MsPsyched1 [6:52 PM]: I never said I beleived him or will stay with him...all I said is that I am going to do what I want

"MrDiamond" [6:52 PM]: i want to be supportive

MsPsyched1 [6:52 PM]: no you dont

MsPsyched1 [6:52 PM]: you never are

"MrDiamond" [6:52 PM]: lol, what?

"MrDiamond" [6:52 PM]: i cant believe you just said that?

MsPsyched1 [6:52 PM]: You point out every possible failure from the beginning

"MrDiamond" [6:53 PM]: you should benefit from a little wisdom

MsPsyched1 [6:53 PM]: there you go...pointing out my mistake and rubbing my nose in it like a dog trying to teach it a lesson

"MrDiamond" [6:53 PM]: ummmm, no

MsPsyched1 [6:54 PM]: I dont need that

MsPsyched1 [6:54 PM]: not right now

"MrDiamond" [6:54 PM]: more like defending my position

MsPsyched1 [6:54 PM]: there is nothing for you to defend...

MsPsyched1 [6:54 PM]: understand that

"MrDiamond" [6:55 PM]: well. whatever. apparantly you are mad at something and projecting it onto me

MsPsyched1 [6:55 PM]: That is so not true

MsPsyched1 [6:56 PM]: I am just sick of you pointing out every mistake I make and yelling "I told you so"

MsPsyched1 [6:56 PM]: I dont need that

"MrDiamond" [6:59 PM]: i am not doing that. this guy is BAD news. i know it. i feel it. something bad is going to happen. i know it

MsPsyched1 [7:00 PM]: Dont think I am not prepared for something to happen

MsPsyched1 [7:00 PM]: you dont even know him

MsPsyched1 [7:00 PM]: you know nothing about him

"MrDiamond" [7:00 PM]: i knew nothing of the others, and i knew

"MrDiamond" [7:00 PM]: why would this be different

MsPsyched1 [7:01 PM]: what if its not? What if it is? What does it matter?

"MrDiamond" [7:01 PM]: it matters because you will get hurt

MsPsyched1 [7:01 PM]: so what?

MsPsyched1 [7:01 PM]: Its my life...

MsPsyched1 [7:02 PM]: whether I choose to stay with him or not is irrelevant at this point

"MrDiamond" [7:03 PM]: ok

"MrDiamond" [7:03 PM]: live and learn

MsPsyched1 [7:03 PM]: all that I am saying is that you could be "I am sorry Tracey, I am sorry that this happened to you" and just fucking drop it...but no, you feel the need to drag on how I always make mistakes and how you are always right

MsPsyched1 [7:04 PM]: I dont need that right now

"MrDiamond" [7:05 PM]: actually, i am sorry that this is happening to you. and i wish he never entered your life or hurt you.

MsPsyched1 [7:05 PM]: I am a big girl

MsPsyched1 [7:06 PM]: I appreciate your concern, really I do

"MrDiamond" [7:06 PM]: :::BIG HUG:::

MsPsyched1 [7:06 PM]: thanks

"MrDiamond" [7:06 PM]: i know i am an ass

"MrDiamond" [7:06 PM]: and i do not always approach things in the correct way

"MrDiamond" [7:06 PM]: but i mean well. i adore you

"MrDiamond" [7:07 PM]: and i am trying in my best way to be a good friend

MsPsyched1 [7:07 PM]: I know, but right now I need someone to be supportive...no matter what I choose to do

MsPsyched1 [7:07 PM]: which I havent decided yet

"MrDiamond" [7:07 PM]: good luck to you either way you go

MsPsyched1 [7:07 PM]: but when I do I dont need someone telling me how much of a mistake I made

"MrDiamond" [7:07 PM]: but just a word of advice

"MrDiamond" [7:08 PM]: before you take him back, you need the diamond in advance and it is non-refundable, lol. after all, it is all about hte jewles, lol

MsPsyched1 [7:08 PM]: I dont care about all that, you know me

"MrDiamond" [7:09 PM]: i am just trying to make sure that you get something out of it, lol

MsPsyched1 [7:09 PM]: I know

Geez-um! All I wanted to do was get my mind off things and come online, maybe check my email. I did not need that.

He always does that to me. I didnt need someone shaking a finger at me...I needed a shoulder, an ear, something. But not that.

The part that he failed to mention is that he is guilty of a few dents in this armor from back when we were dating. Yeah, so quickly he forgets.

He does this with every person that I date. He points out the person's intentions and finds failure right away...without even meeting the person.

I think its past my bedtime...or at least it should be.

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