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Written at 3:22 p.m. on Monday, Dec. 02, 2002

I feel like I am on that dysfunctional downward spiral. But I just dont have the energy or the courage to jump off while ride is in motion.

I just dont know why I get so upset all of the time. I mean, really...its all of the time. Today I got upset when he told me he was talking to his sister about a personal conversation that we had last night. Granted, I am aware that I would have to be wearing the great hat of hypocracy if I were to be mad at him for blabbing our conversations around as I, well, umm, yeah...I advertise it all here.

But this is his sister and it was a private conversation and I only scratched the surface of it here. He has never come right out and said it, but I dont think his sister cares for me too much. Whenever I call and she answers the phone, she just sets the phone aside and yells to him that he has a call. Maybe just like everything else, its all in my head.

I havent been feeling well at all lately. I have relapsed again. Not nearly as bad as I did last February, but a relapse just the same. And it seems that every day gets a little worse. I have lost alot of feeling in my legs and my ankles feel as if they have something strapped around them. It's really weird.

I am debating on whether to go to the gym at all tonight. I really want to, but I dont want to make things worse. I know its the stress that is getting to me and making my symptoms worse. Who knows, maybe an hour of running it out of me will make me feel better.

I remembered that I had a weird dream last night. I dreamt that I was talking to "MrCuriousGeorge" via instant message. And I told him I had a boyfriend and that I was engaged. And then he just vanished. I never saw or heard from him again.

Ok, so on the tattoo thing...I am thinking either the lady bug or the Egyptian Eye of Ra. Still taking suggestions though.

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