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Cuz I prefer to be remembered as a smiling face, not this fucking wreck that's taken its place...
Written at 11:03 p.m. on Monday, Dec. 09, 2002

For a Monday, today didnt go too bad.

Work was the normal pain in the ass that it always is. I cant wait to take off on my vacation. Two weeks without ringing phones and nagging customers. It almost sounds too good to be true.

After work, I went and got my nails done. I let the lady talk me into a half hour massage. I really needed it. I would have gone for an hour if I could. But I am trying to be nice to my credit card this week. I have so much Christmas shopping to do and I have barely begun any of it.

I went over to "MsAngelic"'s house afterwards for dinner and to just hang out. It has really been nice getting out and doing things. Even though we only sat around and watched tv, it couldnt have been any better.

I got a chance to talk to "MsMoHoney" for a little bit when I came home tonight. She asked if I had heard from "MrLightening". When I told her no, she said that she was glad. She said she hopes that I never talk to him again. Everyday I find something else of his and dont know what to do...should I just toss it or should I drop it off at his house or should I call and tell him that I have some of his stuff?

I think of the bad times and am glad that its over...yet, I recall the good times and get a little sad. I find myself constantly analyzing the whole thing. Was he the crazy one or was he was me? I think about that. Looking back over the years, I cant say that I have ever really been in a healthy relationship. There has been a little dysfunction in all of them. Dare I say it, but maybe "MrDiamond" was right...I am that piece of metal. When did I get so bent and twisted that I became so unrecognizable...even to myself? When did I make a life out of being unhappy?

Operation GOMA (Get Off My Ass) just took on a few more steps.