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And she swears there's nothing wrong...I hear her playing that same old song
Written at 11:46 p.m. on Saturday, Jan. 04, 2003

Man today was brutally painful. And not in the After Shock kind of way either.

I got a phone call from "MrLightening" and decided that I would pay him a visit. That was my mistake.

Immediately he started in on the "I love you" and "Marry me" and "Let's build a future together" stuff. And all I could think about was how much of a betrayal this all is to "MrBigDaddy"...whom I care deeply about and how devastated I would be if the shoe was on the other foot.

I spent most of the day over there with him. His sister "MsBodysuit" was very nice to me and even told me about something she said to him in my defense. We just watched the football games and hung out until I realized that I had better exit now...while the going was good. He asked me if he could come home with me. Yeah, umm, that is not a good idea.

There was one point where the words were forming on my lips. I came so close to telling him. But I didnt. He even told me it looked like I wanted to say something, but couldnt. I wanted to...I had every intention to.

When I got home, he called. He didnt have anything to say. I have never understood why people call you if they have absolutely nothing to say. Any by nothing, I mean...nothing. We sat in silence for most of the conversation. So I tried to get off the phone with him, but he wanted to talk. Then he brings up that he really should have come home with me. Then when I said "I think we have been over this and I really dont want to go over it again", he then decides he wants to go to bed.

But then 20 minutes later my phone rings and its him..."I just wanted to call and let you know that I am going out with some friends for a little bit". Ok, whatever! I am not your gatekeeper. You dont need to check in with me.

Then to make matters worse, "MrWhacker" called me. He informed me that "MrGIjoe" will not be coming home and that he is getting sent over to Iraq. That took my breath away. He is the closest thing I have to a brother and I worry about him all the time.

I decided I would get online and send him an email. Luckily, he was already online when I got there. He ended up calling me on my cell phone. As it turns out, he is not coming home, but he is not getting sent to Iraq either. He is being sent somewhere and he doesnt know where, but it wont be Iraq. I told him that he better keep me informed as to what is going on with him.

"MrBigDaddy" just got here. We have been talking a little bit. That thing, the one I mentioned in my last entry, wasnt a dilusion. What it is, is that he may end up taking two of his kids due to some problems their mother is having. I dont know what is going to happen there, but all I can do it wait and see.

After spending the day with "MrLightening" and his kid, I dont want to even think about kids for a while.

We are just going to kick back and attempt to watch the movie we started last night, but I am sure I will just fall asleep again.

This day has worn me out!