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I saw red and then I closed the door...
Written at 2:59 p.m. on Friday, Jan. 10, 2003

Maybe the correct choice isnt either one of them...maybe it's about choosing my self-respect over both of them.

Maybe I have to find the courage to walk alone for a little while instead of traveling in the same circles I have been traveling for the last year or so.

I didnt realize how much of a sub-conscious grudge I have against "MrBigDaddy" still. I thought I had let all of that go, but last night drudged all of it back up again for me. And I am angry all over again.

I dont want to be angry, but I cant help it. I cant let go of it. I have expended all my energy trying.

So tonight I think when he gets home, I am going to sit down and talk to him about things. I wrote a while back about how we have a habit of always just simply sweeping things under the carpet and never really taking care of it. That needs to end.

There are still so many unresolved things here that I didnt realize until last night. I dont even know where to start.

I have plans to see "MrZingers" sometime this weekend and I think that is a good thing. I need to get out of that house, because I am having the worst case of cabin fever known to man. Time away will help.

At least I hope so...