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You got yourself stuck in a moment...and you cant get out of it
Written at 8:55 a.m. on Friday, Jan. 10, 2003

Thankfully, this week is almost over.

Last night we ("MrBigDaddy" & myself) finally finished watching Vanilla Sky. For the last week we have put in the movie, but have fallen asleep every time halfway through it. I have seen it before, but he hadnt. He wasnt that impressed with it.

During the movie he made some comment that brought up kids. He was saying how with kids you lose all of your freedom and cant even sit down to watch a movie or go out for the night. That sparked a long debate over it. Then he looked at me and said "You want a kid? I will give you one if you want just to prove you wrong". That wasnt needed.

Then we sat around with "MsMoHoney" talking and for some reason whenever we do that, all this crap comes surfacing up and it gets uncomfortable. He started talking last night about stuff I would rather have kept between us.

And then out of nowhere "MsMoHoney" says to him "I am so glad you are back in Tracey's life again. I like you so much better than the others". WTF? I saw the hampster spinning on that wheel. He was thinking how many others.

Then to make matters worse, "MrLightening" calls just as we are falling asleep. And he is just angry. "Why havent you called me back? Why dont you ever answer your phone?"...and yada yada yada.

I just dont know what to do with either one of them anymore. I know I am the person TOTALLY in the wrong here. No doubt about that. STILL, they are driving me insane.

With "MrBigDaddy" I have someone that I have known for five or six years. I know they say that some of the best relationships come from the two people being best friends, but is that all there is here? I trust him immensely. He is not as affectionate as "MrLightening". He never talks about a future and cringes at the thought of ever having another child.

With "MrLightening" he always talks about future plans...always planning something for us. He includes me in everything. He would talk about us having kids someday and being married. He is very affectionate. BUT, he has a very short fuse and a mean temper. Also, a tad on the controlling side.

And I dont know what to do...with either one of them. Because they both have their good and bad qualities.

And I just dont know what to do...

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