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Things are getting worse, but I feel alot better...and that's all that really matters to me
Written at 10:12 p.m. on Thursday, Jan. 16, 2003

I think the rebirth has begun.

"MrBigDaddy" called me at 4:30 and said that he was going to hang out with his friend for "a couple of hours" and that he would be home afterwards.

Well, he just called fifteen minutes ago and we got into it. I told him that I dont appreciate being told one thing, while he does another. When you say that you are going to be here at a certain time, be here. I dont think the concept is too hard.

I could tell that he had a few drinks. He was kind of slurring his words. He said that he would call me back in ten minutes. I asked if this was 10 real-time minutes or 10 "MrBigDaddy" minutes. Its now ten minutes after the time that he called and I am so over it.

I was talking to "MsMoHoney" about everything. She was my rainstorm. She made me see things the way I should have been seeing them all along.

First, she said "MrLightening" was someone that I dated, he moved in and he is gone now. That he should stay gone.

With "MrBigDaddy" she said that she sees a pattern with him. I cant say that I dont see the same pattern. I have moved into the ex's spot, always being given some sorry ass excuse. And I cant put up with it anymore.

I am ready to put them both behind me and forge ahead. I need to. I am settling for less than I should with both of them. I am putting up with way more than I should too.

I think I am strong enough now to lay it all to rest. Let go of the bad memories and take with me the good...but nevertheless, keep on going and forge ahead.

There's got to be so much more than this.

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