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You cant hurt me now, you once had the power...
Written at 11:03 a.m. on Sunday, Jan. 19, 2003

Lets update shall we...

Friday, "MrLightening" called back and said that he still wanted to work things out. He said that beyond him being hurt, he still loved me and wanted to work things out.

Also friday, "MrBigDaddy" had something with his kid that he needed to take care of, but he was back home friday night.

Saturday morning I agreed to go with "MrLightening" to see a few apartments. That was an epic disaster of biblical proportions. He yelled at a guy he was asking directions from, he got sarcastic with me every chance he could and he was obnoxious the entire time.

I sat there thinking to myself how unhealthy he is for me. He could sense that something was wrong and he kept questioning me on it. Finally, he asked me if we were going to get through this...and I just shook my head no.

Then he asked me to take him back to his house and drop him off. When we pulled up he got out and started yelling at me and calling me a liar. I told him that he should seek out anger management classes because he is a ticking time bomb ready to explode...and I just drove off.

About 20 minutes later I was at the gas station, almost home, and he called. He apologized and said that he was sorry and wanted me to come back. I told him that I was almost home and that I now had a headache and I just wanted to go home. That set the bomb right off again.

He went on to explain that my not coming back showed that I am not going out of my way and dont want to put any effort into anything. If I am not mistaken, I got up early on my day off. I drove 30 minutes away to pick him up to take him to look at apartments. But I am not going out of my way or making any effort? How is that possible to rationally think like that. Oh, yeah, rational being the key word here.

So I went back home and hung out with "MrBigDaddy" all day. When "MsMoHoney" came home we talked about a movie. The three of us went and saw Guy Thing. It was hilarious.

Then, "MrBigDaddy" and I met up with "MrZingers" and "MrMeatloaf" for some karaoke and drinks. They both gave a thumbs up. They liked him alot.

This morning, "MrLightening" calls and as soon as I answer he said "Come home to daddy". Well, I believe I am already with Daddy..."MrBigDaddy" that is. So he and I left it on an awkward note. And that is okay with me.

I dont know who started the rumor that you can say and do whatever you want to Tracey because she will always be there...and she will always come back...and she will always forgive. But they were seriously mistaken.

Its not going to be that way. I am not going to be one of those selfish, conceited, self-involved kind of people, but I have realized that I need to weed out the bad people in my life. I need to figure out which ones are helpful and which ones are hurtful. Then toss out the hurtful.

After all, this is my world, right?