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I'm the man in the box...
Written at 9:38 a.m. on Monday, Jan. 27, 2003

I am still in shock that it is now Monday morning...and I went no where this weekend.

Unless you can count getting my nails done, going to Barnes & Noble for cd's and going to Hollywood video for dvd's on Saturday. All of that took maybe three hours to do.

And I am not sure why, but "MrBigDaddy" volunteered to come to the nail salon with me. And he just sat there looking so bored.

On the way home, "MrLightening" had called. While "MrBigDaddy" was getting his lunch, I called him back. It makes me feel so deceitful. Basically, he ws just calling to see if I wanted to go to the movies with him. He also invited me over to watch the SuperBowl at his house.

I hate this. I hate that there are times I want to be with this one, then that one, then both, then neither. Although I feel like this, I would never act on it.

The hardest part is that with "MrLightening", I never doubted he cared about me. I never wondered if I could trust him. I never worried.

I am really pulling for things to work out with "MrBigDaddy". There are just some things that need to be worked out. Like the fact that he never answers his cell phone. He will watch it ring then listen to the voicemail left. Most of the time, he doesnt even have his phone turned on when he's at home. He just turns it on long enough to see if he has a voicemail. Am I the only one not liking the smell of that?

Although, some things I cant really complain about. Like how my cell phone rang at 2 am this morning and I didnt answer it. I listened to the voicemail then rolled back over and went to sleep. It was "MrLightening". Why he was calling at 2 am, I dont know. Why he had his son on the phone and not asleep at 2 am, is even more baffling for me.

Doesnt my weekend sound like it was so much fun? I really wanted (NEEDED) to get out of the house. Yesterday, I even said that I wanted to get out and do something, anything. I didnt care what. I even gave him the choice to pick something. But no, we stayed home and cleaned. Fun!

I am starting to enjoy my job alot that it has become the highlight of days.