Written at 9:20 a.m. on Monday, Feb. 10, 2003
Well, I think I am finally over this "ranting like a bitch, making everyone miserable" episode.
I think it was those corticosteriods that I was taking. They didnt help my vision one bit...and, from what I have read about them, taking them increases the chances for this vision thing to come back again. So in other words, I desecrated my body with drugs that only managed to morph me into uber-bitch and didnt actually help the problem, but instead made it more likely for it to come back. (insert your favorite four-letter word here)
That's okay, because I am still in a good mood. I had a great weekend.
I had a really good conversation with "MrBigDaddy" over the weekend...and I think everything is going to be okay. We talked about the little things that bother us. Although my list was a lot longer than his.
I brought up that I feel he is only here passing time. That if he was given the oppurtunity, he would go back to his ex if he knew she had finally gotten it together. He asked me why, if I felt that, was I with him. I didnt answer.
Later on, his cell phone rang...it was her. I guess she was calling him to get a ride to somewhere. I heard him tell her that he didnt want anything to do with her. I know it sounds immature to say, but I felt a little better after having heard him tell her that.
We talked a little bit about where we want to live and what we want to do. Everything has kinda shifted to "us" now, which is about damn time.
When I talked to him last week when we were going through all of this, I told him that he looks at everything as "me" and "you"...and I look at everything as "us".
Things arent perfect. And chances are they never will be. That is the art of relationships. Sometimes they dont make much sense and can be very abstract.