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Listen here my friend, I wont pretend you to pretend that its alright
Written at 9:50 p.m. on Sunday, Mar. 23, 2003

Well, I havent gotten any further in the "bust your boyfriend for cheating" department. Although, I did kinda call him on it.

We were watching a movie about a man who cheats on his wife. I kept making comments on it. Then we started talking about how the character feels justified for cheating. I looked him right in his face and said And how do you justify it? First he said that he doesnt cheat and then asked me if I had something on my mind. If he only knew all the stuff I have on my mind.

He eventually went off to work. "MrZingers" and "MrMeatloaf" came over to keep me company. At about midnight, we all wanted pie. So we ran down to the bakery to get one. They were closing so they wouldnt let us eat it there, but they let us buy one to take with us. On the way back we stopped by the Neighborboys' house.

We stayed there for a while, until someone brought up the pie again. Someone (could have been me) mentioned going to Denny's to have the pie. We ended up not even having the pie because no one felt comfortable walking into Denny's with a Baker's Square pie. But we did order midnight snacks.

All the laughs that we had tonight were well needed. I felt so much better by the end of the night. I truly have the greatest friends. For even just a little bit, I managed to forget about all the things that have been going on...and just have fun.

That is, until he walked in the front door this morning. I cant look him in the face. I am trying to hold it all together, but its so hard. Its so hard to try to sleep next to someone who has hurt you so badly. Someone that has abused your trust.

And he either knows that I am on to him or he feels guilty, because he was trying to be the attentive boyfriend this morning. A little too late for that. I dount I can salvage a friendship out of this.

I keep looking back and thinking how much of an idiot I am. Now its just a matter of tieing up loose ends here and getting on with my life. I have done it before and I can do it again. And each time it takes a little more out of me. Each time it leaves me a little more scarred. It leaves me a little more bitter.