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Who will you run to when it all falls down
Written at 2:17 p.m. on Tuesday, Apr. 01, 2003

Dont ever assume that things cant get any worse than they already are.

I just got a call from "MsMoHoney". I guess the girl that was going to move in flaked out. In a way this as a good thing and a bad thing.

Bad because I really wanted her to move in. It looked like a win/win situation all the way around. It was one more person to split the rent with. It was someone staying in that room so he couldnt. It looked so good.

But good, because now he will be happy. More than likely he will get what he wants now. I have no one else lined up so I wont really have a choice in thirty days. And that situation is better than nothing.

I wish I had the balls to stand up to him and tell him exactly how I feel. I wish I had the courage to tell him what I want out of all of this. But I sometimes feel like I am the silent partner and have to just nod at everything and not say anything.

I want to just grab him and say What makes you think that you can make up the rules here? You dont even pay rent. He doesnt understand what a good thing he has going here. He doesnt pay for anything...nothing. I mean, he will pay when we go out, but I mean towards rent or utilities. Okay, he paid one month's worth of utilities. But still, he can pretty much come and go as he pleases. He can sleep all damn day, because he has that stupid night job which takes away all of my free time with him.

My point is, you never bite the hand that feeds you. Or is never look a gifthorse in the mouth. Whichever. My point is...he has it better than he thinks he does. I can always find another boyfriend. Can he find another girlfriend that takes care of him like I do? Probably not.

He has the sweetest deal.