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Love be still, love be sweet...dont you dare change a thing
Written at 10:07 a.m. on Friday, Apr. 04, 2003

He's still alive. And beleive me, that's saying alot after the spectacle he made the other night.

When I got home yesterday, he was awake, had cleaned the bedroom and did some laundry. He said that he wasnt feeling well. I can imagine. He and scotch were best friends the night before.

Speaking of the night before, there were two cool things to come out of that night.

First was a reconsiliation of an old friendship. I had been walking outside to get some air and "MsPixie" had walked up to me and asked if we could talk. We just both agreed that it has been too long and the reason too stupid for us not to be friends again. It felt good to sit and talk to her.

Secondly, was a conversation that I had with a guy I had met there a few weeks ago. We had all been sitting outside talking and everyone went in but him and I. And we started talking. Actually, it was more like I talked and he listened. I mean, he really listened to me.

He told me that even a few weeks ago he could tell that there was something eating at me. He said he told "Ms2inchman" the night he met us Hey, I think there's something wrong with your friend. Which was weird because I thought I was in a really good mood that night. He said he was just a very intuative person. He was so incredibly nice to me. More, no ALL, guys should be like him.

I told him how sweet it was of him to be concerned and talk to me. He said he took the time to talk to me. Not because he had to, but because he wanted to. That meant alot to me.

Now back to last night. Since he wasnt feeling well, he didnt go to work again last night. He said he would have to make it up on sunday, the one night he has off this whole week. Its alright because I will at least have sunday during the day to spend time with him.

We kinda reached a new understanding through all of this. Its kinda strange how sometimes you have to reach the bottom in order to have something to push against to get back up. This is how I choose to look at this.

I have opened myself up to him. It makes me a little vulnerable and I dont like that feeling at all. But its something that I had to do. I knew it wasnt going anywhere or doing anything by me keeping the walls up, except for frustrating us both.

So last night I was trying to be more affectionate. And you know, the more I was, the easier it became. It wasnt so painfully difficult like it was. And I could tell it made him happy, which in return made me happy.

He's far from the person I want him to be, but its comfortable.

But if he ever pulls a stunt like he did the other night, I wont hesitate to drop his ass like a bad habit.