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Dont give up, cuz somewhere there's a place where we belong
Written at 7:49 a.m. on Saturday, Apr. 12, 2003

Its seems when I am not unhappy and dont have anything to bitch about, I really dont have anything to write about either.

And I'm pretty happy right now. For the first time in a long time, I am happy. Or at least, I am not unhappy. I have always been the kind of person to teeter back and forth between the two ends of the spectrum. So its a little unfamiliar to me to feel like this. But I think I can get used to it.

This relationship has taught me so much. Not only about me, but about how its supposed to feel. And right now it feels so good and comfortable, that I just want to sink down into it.

Its hard sometimes because I can see his defenses go up when I get within a certain range. Its weird to me, because he is the exact same way as I was. Only letting people get so close to me. But I have abandoned all hesitations and insecurities with him. I just want to grab him sometimes and say Look, if I can trust you enough not to hurt me, you have to trust in me back. But he's going to need alot more time and patience than I did. Every day I get a little closer.

So, yeah, for right now its all good. And you know, he may never come around and let me in. If that is what he needs to feel safe, that's alright. I know how it is. I can still try though.