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And some cheap soft drugs to keep me in my head
Written at 9:21 a.m. on Friday, Apr. 18, 2003

I'm thinking that the honeymoon is definitely over. Or at least, getting to that point...quickly. This entry may sound a little out of character for me...but, I just need to vent and get it all out before I have an aneurysm.

I dont know, maybe it was me. But last night he couldnt do anything without just pissing me off. He couldnt even breathe right. I continually had to leave the room when he would come in just so I wouldnt explode at him.

He got all upset that I didnt order cable for his little room. One, I only have two cable boxes. Two, he doesnt plan on being in there much. Three, HE DOESNT EVEN HAVE A TV!

Yes, thank you Mr Cableguy for coming out so quickly. Could you please install cable in this room. Just leave the box on the floor and the cable wire. (confused look on cable guy's face) Yeah, we dont have a tv to hook it up to.

Now, why on earth would I get cable in there? At the present time, we have two tv's. I'm no math genius but, two tv's and two cable boxes...that divides pretty damn evenly. Ok, moving on to new topic before my head explodes from the pressure.

Then we got to talking about this stupid fucking job again. He made a comment the other night when he was sitting in the dining room with "MsMoHoney" and me. At that time, I chose to ignore it thinking that he likes to talk shit sometimes.

But when he brought it up again last night, I couldnt help but dive right in and assess the situation. It seems (and I almost hate to admit this...I can see the hate mail now) he and a fellow co-worker spend their breaks (or lunch, or whatever) doing coke.

That really bothers me. For one, because I worry enough about this job and him getting hurt as it is. Now, with that added to the recipe, I will only worry more. And I shouldnt have to. I have enough things to worry about already.

By this point, I couldnt even look at him. I asked him how often he does that. First I got couple of times a week. Then I got once a week. Then I got once every couple of weeks. Then I got once a month. He's an idiot!

From then on, I couldnt talk to him without snapping at him. Everything came with some smartass comment...

HIM:Your hair looks lighter. But maybe its just the lighting in here. ME:Yeah, it gets like that sometimes. You should see it in the sun. Oh, wait...that wont happen. You arent alive when the sun is up.

HIM:Maybe I shouldnt be drinking this beer when I have to be at work soon. ME:I think you'll be okay with one beer. Maybe its the lines you do at lunch that you should worry about.

I finally had to call "MsMoHoney" and let her know that I was coming over early. I couldnt stand to be around him for another minute. Besides, I had to meet up with a friend a little later. Which that was another thing that we argued about.

He overheard me talking to "MsPixie" about going out. I told her I would meet her at 9:30. He started in on me going out. I explained to him that I cant just sit in this fucking house night after night after night without going out and being with people. Do you know what he told me? "You can always have your friends over here." Thank you for your permission, but you dont get it...I need to step outside of these four walls every now and then.

As I was walking out to head over to see "MsMoHoney", he gave me a hug and a kiss goodbye and whispered in my ear Dont fuck anyone tonight. I almost didnt compute what he had said as I couldnt believe that he had actually said that. So I asked him to repeat himself...and yeah, I had heard correctly.

Yeah, I went out last night. Woo hoo! Tracey's big night out! Actually, it was kinda nice. I met up with "MsPixie" and her friend "MrCountryBoy" at "Cheers". There were only a few faces that I recognized, but sometimes that is better. I met alot of really nice people.

"MrCountryBoy" is great. I swear, it was weird a few times. At one point, we were talking about songs and I asked him to sing a particular song and he went to look it up in the book and saw a piece of paper on the table that already had that song and number on it. Then we were talking about movies and the whole "saying the same thing at the same time" set in. He's an awesome guy. But who wants an awesome guy when I have a smartass cokehead of my very own at home. Oh, what pride. Please, try not to be too jealous.

I was out a little later than I had hoped last night. I didnt even get there until 11, so I had to stay until 2. Then when I came home, I wasnt tired and ended up finally putting together the cd that I promised to send to a fellow diarylander. (I promise, its on its way. I know its very cliche, but "its in the mail")

It was about 4 when I finally fell asleep. It seemed like I had just went to bed when the alarm went off at 7. Eventually, he came in. I was trying to be out of there by then. So I talked to him for a few. I asked him (nicely, mind you) to ask the cable guy when he comes if he can hook up the picture in picture on the big screen tv. You'd have thought I just asked him for his first born. Although, I am sure he would have preferred that over doing any favor for me. He pretty much just made some comment about not wanting to do it because I didnt get cable in his room. That's fine...I left a note for the cable guy anyway.

So then as I am walking out the door I told him all he has to remember to do is answer the door when they come knocking. I hope that isnt too hard for him or too much to ask of him. With that being said, he said he had to run errands but would be back by 3.

The one BIG thing he does that just gets under my skin and just burns is when I ask him to explain something that I dont understand. Like this morning, one of his errands. He always looks at me, rolls his eyes and then explains it like I'm an idiot or someone who speaks a different language. I still didnt get it because when he explains it, he explains it very short and choppy and not smooth and fluent. So when he explained it again, he elaborated enough to where it made sense. I told him that's how he should have explained it the first time instead of getting irritated at my not understanding him.

With that, I just grabbed another Tylenol (for the headache that I have had for the last three days) and headed off to work. On the plus side, I am happy to go to work because I feel like the harder of my two jobs is the one I have at home.

Tonight, I plan on getting him out of the house and enjoying my new cable and internet service...in peace and quiet!

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