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Seems nothing ever changes, we're back to being strangers...wondering if we ought to stay or head on out the door
Written at 9:03 a.m. on Thursday, Apr. 24, 2003

I went home with the idea that I could put up with him for the few hours before he has to go to work. Little did I know he had the night off.

He said he took the night off to be with me. I cant exactly say I'm buying that one.

I had got a call later on from a guy I used to date. Unfortunately when my phone rings, it says (really loudly) Call from _____ and it says the person's name. So I couldnt very well hide that one. I told him that there's nothing wrong with me talking to an ex and asked him if he still talked to any of his. First he said no. Then he said only the mother of his first daughter. Is that so? Then he said an ex from ten years ago...and yeah, it was the same girl from his cell phone.

There was one point in the night where we were sitting in the living room watching American Idol, I think. The patio door was open and since I was already up, he asked me if I would shut it. I started to walk over there, then stopped...If you're cold and want it closed, I suppose you better get up and close it yourself. Then I walked away.

So for the rest of the night he thought it would be fun to play the attentive boyfriend role. Let me get you a glass...Here take my blanket, I'll get another one...No, you sit down, I'll get it for you. It was nice to have someone take care of me for a change. Why is it that they only do what they should have been doing all along when you have given up and have one foot out the door?

The only really strange part of the night was when I went to take a pill. He said something about the pill helping my morning sickness. Umm, come again? Yeah, dont think I dont notice you are starting to get sick alot. I dont know where he gets this stuff from. Well, okay I suppose there were two times that happened and I suppose it could make his imagination take him for a ride. I dont know what I would do if I was forced to be shackled to that man for the next 18 years and 9 months. But something about finding a tall building or a bridge come to mind.

He also mentioned again last night that he is trying really hard to find his kids. I guess he has Social Services involved, finally. So they're going to be looking for his ex. Noone seems to know if she's even still in the state or not.

I dont think he understands that its best for him to live somewhere else. He is still telling me about things he wants to do to the apartment. I started thinking that I could handle living with him as roommates and not being together, but no, I couldnt do it.

So here I am, back at square one again.