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Dont know what you've got til its gone...dont know what it is I did so wrong
Written at 9:03 a.m. on Tuesday, Apr. 29, 2003

Today has been up and down for me so far.

I have been up since 4:30am. I woke up and couldnt get back to sleep. I just had too many things running through my head.

We kinda talked for a little bit this morning. When I had mentioned him sleeping the day away yesterday and how I dont particularly care for him spending his days awake and sleeping when I get home. He said I dont have a schedule for when I sleep. I never signed a contract with you telling you the hours I'd be awake.

That's fine, because what goes around comes around. And he hasnt begun to taste that bitterness yet. So as I left this morning, I said Bye, have a nice day. I'll see you tomorrow. And got up to walk out. He looked at me with this look of bewilderment, so I told him that I am going to the gym after work with "MsAngelic" and I probably wont be back before he leaves for work. And I followed it up with a nice I didnt sign a contract with you telling you the hours I'd be home.

He's about to see what it feels like to be alone. "Ms2inchman" was right...I never have a boyfriend and friends...I either have one or the other. And I've realized that I've been spending my time wastefully with the wrong person. Right now, I'm putting my friends first.

These are the people who went to the neurologist's office with me and sat with me for hours while I had an MRI. They are the ones who let me cry on their shoulders...not the reason for my tears. These are the people that have shown me time and time again that I may feel alone, but I never truly am alone. They have always been there for me when I needed someone...I cant exactly say the same about him.

So tonight starts the first step of my journey. I'm looking forward to this metamorphosis. And thankfully, yet again, I wont be alone. (You are my angel)

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