But then someday comes tomorrow holds a sense of what I fear for you in my mind...as you trip the final line
Written at 9:21 a.m. on Friday, May. 02, 2003
Its so true...the worse you are to someone, the better they treat you. I hate to say it, but its true.
I have been a bitch on a stick to him the past few days. I mean, really bad. And wouldnt you know, he's treating me like an absolute princess.
Yesterday when I was doing the dishes he came up behind me and put his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder.
Earlier, I had noticed on the coffee table he had left me a money order for his share of the rent. He actually gave me the rent on the 1st...and a money order at that. Talk about punctuality.
But the real kicker was this morning. I was sleeping when he came in from work. I had opened my eyes just enough to see it was him. Then he said I brought you breakfast.
While I think the things he's doing are nice...I think they're a little tardy as well. This is the stuff he should have been doing all along.
I had explained to "MsMoHoney" last night that all I really want from him is more of his time. That's all. Nothing more, nothing less...just time. Yes, there are a trillion things I'd like for him to change, but if he could just change that one I'd probably be okay with the rest of the things.
Its kinda like when you are mad about something, the little things that normally wouldnt bother you all of the sudden start becoming a thorn in your side. Well, that's how I feel about this. I'd be able to better pick and choose my battles with him if I could get him to budge just a little on the big thing.
But alas, I know that wont happen so I'm not even holding my breath. I've come to the point where I no longer expect anything out of him. I expect to come home and find him sleeping. I expect him to sleep until fifteen minutes before he has to leave for work. I expect him not to take me anywhere or do anything with me. And that's pathetic. Expectations are planned disappointments. I'm learning that one real quick.
I have no idea where he thinks this relationship is at this point. I'm not even sure myself. I just know I'm at the end of my rope and my patience and tolerance have all been depleted. There's absolutely none left.
I'm not going to spend one more lonely night at home bored out of my mind. Either he's along for the ride or the bus is leaving without him. I've been left waiting long enough. He'd really have to do a 360 for me to stay. And that's going to call for a little more than bringing me home breakfast. I want him to take me to breakfast.
We used to do so many things together. We'd get up early on the weekends and go to breakfast. We went and played pool alot. Looking back, we did more things before we got together.
Its quite sad because he used to always complain that he could never do the things he wanted because he always had the kids around. Now that he doesnt, he isnt taking advantage of it. He's content to sit in front of that tv or sleep his life away. I want more living than that.
He's going to wake up one day and realize that's he's all alone...and it was his choice.