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But if you want to leave take good care, hope you make a lot of nice friends out there but just remember there's a lot of bad and beware
Written at 9:30 a.m. on Wednesday, May. 14, 2003

I got next to no sleep last night.

I went over to "MrZingers"'s house last night after "MrBigDaddy" left for work. We just pretty much hung out at his house talking. I still cant believe that in 24 hours he'll be leaving to move to Colorado. Its just so...sudden.

I almost had to spend the night there as I really wasnt in any condition to drive home. But I waited until I was okay to drive and left. There's no way I could've stayed the night there. I'm still paying for the last time I spent the night there.

I ended up staying there last night until almost 2 am. I was dead tired this morning when I woke up. Or should I say...when I was woke up. The difference between "MrBigDaddy" and me (other than the other million and one things that seperate us) is that when he's sleeping I will tiptoe around the house so I dont wake him up. Him...he doesnt really try to be quiet. He'll walk right into the bedroom and lay on top of me.

Now, I cant say that I mind this at all. I dont. I just could have used a little more sleep this morning. I ended up just getting up and going out in the living room to sit with him.

He has off work tonight. I dont know what we're going to do, but I do know that we're going to do something. I'm not worried about the where's and what's of it...I just need to get out and do something. Not really caring what.

Its just nice to every now and then go out with your boyfriend and do something. I'm always the one hanging out with my friends and their boyfriends. Tonight, its my turn.

I've also been thinking alot about what I want and I've come to the decision that I want to go home. Its something that's been consistently running through my head. I really dont have much holding me here.

My job...yeah, it hasnt exactly brought me years of happiness. Ulcers would be more accurate. My family...the ones I have here wont exactly miss me. The rest of them are where I want to be. My health...that's something that could change any minute. I have to be prepared.

I'm actually feeling better today. The last few days have been off and on. Not alot of numbness right now. I dont think I'll ever have my hands back to the way they were, but I can live with that. Its my legs that I'm more worried about. I'd rather be able to walk than able to tie my shoelace. Even that is a far exaggeration.

I really need a vacation. My brain is literally tired of being used. I need a break from using it. I've been stressing way too much about this money thing. I have got to get more paid off on these credit cards...soon.

I'm paying, but I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. I guess something is better than nothing, right?