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Take this job and shove it...
Written at 3:50 p.m. on Tuesday, May. 27, 2003

This day is really kicking my ass.

This job is really starting to get to me today. I'm not a violent person at all, but if I'm given in attitude again for not doing something that no one told me, I'm gonna dart her between the eyes with something.

There are moments when I dont mind my job that much. There are never really moments when I actually like my job. Well, that's not entirely true, there are...they're called saturday and sunday. I love those moments.

I've just been working here way too long. Almost 9 years. Yes, I've spent a third of my life working here. I just wish that in my job decription it had said Must be able to multi-task...simultaneously. I have no problem doing a million different things during my day. But when you want a million different things the same time...I cant do it.

I've really been here too long. And I dont just mean this job. California too. I came out here nine years ago on a two week vacation and just never left. I constantly wonder what my life would be like right now had I left.

Last night we were sitting around and got to talking about oppurtunities. I made a comment about how oppurtunities get missed and get lost forever. And he said It all depends on how badly you want it. If you want it badly enough, you'll find it.

I dont fully agree with that. I dont fully disagree either. You may get a chance to go back in some way or another and take that missed oppurtinity, but the outcome may be different than if you would have taken it when it was first offered.

That's how I look at it. Yes, I can go back. But I can never go back picking up where I left off at when I left.

I want change. I want meaning in my life. I dont even know where to begin in my search. Its like I have this destination to get to, but I cant find the main road and I'm zig-zagging to get there. And its taking me forever (and a day) to get there.

I just wish there were some little man standing there that would say Pssst, hey, over dont want to go that way. Its a dead end. Take this way, you'll get there faster. But alas, there isnt.

Better grab some comfortable shoes, for the road is long...and I could be walking a while.