Do you eat, sleep, do you breathe me anymore...do you sleep anymore
Written at 8:56 a.m. on Thursday, May. 29, 2003
I'm in a strange mood today. I cant even begin to explain it...or understand it.
I'm neither happy nor sad, just kinda...eh, existing.
Last night I went to "Cheers" and as much as I was happy to be out and being with my friends, I got a little bored. And that was noone's fault but my own. I cant really say that I was going out of my way to have fun.
I dont know what's wrong with me. I've been going in and out of this funk for about a week now teetering back and forth between the two end of the spectrum. Occasionally there's a stop in the middle along the way. But it doesnt last very long.
There are a million things that could be causing/contributing to it. My theory is it's because I stopped taking my Wellbutrins. I havent taken them for almost a month now. At first, I didnt notice it. I was even feeling better for a while there after stopping than I did while I was taking them.
I only stopped taking them because I was starting to think they were making me too numb. And I didnt think that I needed them any more. What's worse...not feeling anything...or not feeling anything. It could be a good thing and a bad thing.
For a while there, I thought not feeling anything was a good thing. If I didnt feel the bad stuff, than I would be okay. But there's also beauty in pain too. Lessons to be learned. But pain still hurts.
I'm trying to find a balance between it all. And its hard. It's picking the lesser of two evils, really.
I think what I need is one night of good sleep. I havent been sleeping very well at all. About an average of three hours a night. For me, that's just not enough. But again, I dont want to rely on anything chemically to help me sleep.
Tonight I'm having a nice quiet evening at home. He has the night off, so we're going to rent some movies and have a nice dinner. The other day I mentioned that I wanted to go out to the movies, but I just dont think I have it in me. I want to sit on my sofa with a bowl of popcorn, my man and my cat and do absolutely nothing all night.
Lack of sleep eventually catches up to you...right?
spirer who C