What it meant to me will evetually be a memory of the time I tried so hard and got so far...but in the end, it doesnt even matter
Written at 12:18 a.m. on Wednesday, Jun. 04, 2003
Tonight is a perfect night.
I stood outside and it consumed me there for a while. I stood out on the front porch and looked at the buildings across the street. The sky was this pretty shade of blue instead of the normal black when it gets late at night. The trees looked so pretty being the frontrunner to the sky. The weather was warm with a little breeze and some sprinkling.
I couldnt have asked for better. It was so picturesque. That's one of the reasons I love this apartment complex. While the rest of Southern California feels the need to cram their property with every breed of palm tree imaginable, my apartment complex is landscaped with actual real trees.
Tonight is the kind of night that you sleep with the window open and let it get chilly while you bundle up in blankets and listen to the light sound of the rain.
I went over to "MsMoHoney"'s earlier and was talking to her about things. I told her that I was excited to see what life had planned for me next. I'm actually excited about being on my own and enjoying not knowing what's next.
I've also decided that I dont want to be in a relationship for a while. I'm going to take my time and get it right next time. Instead of jumping into whatever happens to come along next, I'm going to be more selective. I'm not going to settle for less than I deserve. And that's so much more than he could ever supply me with.
I thought about the things that he does that I'll miss and I realized that they're things that should be in every relationship. They're not special things that I couldnt get anywhere else.
He'll always be a special time of my life that one day I'll be able to look back on without tears, but instead look at it as a time of growth and strength. The pain will eventually go away over time and when I look back, it wont look so bad. Just a little pucker mark, instead of a big scar.
Now, I have a warm bed and a nice breeze calling my name. This may be the best sleep I've got in about a month.