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Should've left you standing right where you stood, should've let you go, should've had the sense to know...like a train you'd come and I'd lose my place...now I'm on this trip, I took a fall from grace
Written at 9:23 p.m. on Saturday, Jun. 07, 2003

I cant wait for this all to be over with...23 days and counting.

I found a card in his room...addressed to her. It said...

I'm sorry I wasnt who you needed me to be. I always loved you though. I had good times. I wish there could be more...

Do you know how stupid I feel right now? I wonder how many nights I slept next to this man or made love to him all the while he was wishing that I was Her. Or him holding me, closing his eyes while pretending that I was her. I feel so stupid. Really stupid.

And people wonder why I have a hard time trusting or why I have security issues. This is why. This is exactly why. Because my heart always end up being the sufferer in the end. Broken. Little pieces one by one taken away. Until there's nothing left to it.

Tomorrow "MrRedemption" is coming and soon this whole thing will be behind me. It cant come soon enough though. I want him out of my life...out of my house...out of my heart.

Most of all, right now I want a friendly voice to talk to. Because I feel so alone...

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