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The circus is falling down on its knees, the big top is crumbling down
Written at 11:26 p.m. on Monday, Jun. 09, 2003

Tonight I had to stop over at one of his friend's house to pick something up. I had never met this friend before and for some reason I was a little nervous to.

I know this particular friend means alot to him and he respects him alot. I wanted his friend to like me, I dont know why I should care. But I did. I wanted his friend to call him up tomorrow and say You're insane...I've seen what you've been with before and you're crazy for letting her leave. She's the best you'll ever have.

When I got inside his house, I stood in the living room for a few minutes. Cirque Du Soleil was on their tv and he started talking about it. For a split second, I thought about "MrApronStrings". All of the shows I've ever seen have been with him.

When I came in tonight, I was flipping through the channels and noticed that a different performance from Cirque Du Soleil was on so I started watching it. It was Alegria...which happened to be the first one I've seen. It was my second date with "MrApronStrings" and my family was taking us to see it at South Coast. It was Spring of 1995, so I had to have been about 19.

The night was perfect. It was raining outside and something about the rain puts me in a state of nirvana. I remember feeling so mature and comfortable in my skin. It was the night I realized that I loved him. The way he turned that night into something out of a fairytale. Giving me his jacket to wear and holding the umbrella over my head as we waited for our car. But not all fairytales end happily ever after, right?

There are times that I miss it. The security that had for a long time been all that I had known. I never had to worry about things with him. There were no doubts that filled my head then. I didnt have the insecurities. It was definitely a much simpler period of my life. I dont neccessarily miss "MrApronString" as much as I miss the simplicity.

As much as I try to forget different memories that I've collected, some of them I should never forget.