Man I gotta get outta this town, man I gotta get outta this pain, man I gotta get outta this town...outta this town and outta L.A.
Written at 9:36 a.m. on Wednesday, Jun. 11, 2003
I've been thinking a lot today about how much I want to go home.
Last night, I was watching the news and they were talking about which cities were the best to live in because of their night life. Baltimore was #4...Los Angeles was #8. Then I started thinking about all the things there were to do when I was living there. The inner harbor, Fells Point...the list goes on.
I want to go back. I'm planning on it. I'll give it 9 months to a year just to be realistic and not catapult myself into this. But I miss my family alot. My heart will always be there.
I think I've worked through alot of the demons that were the reason for me leaving in the first place. I've spread my wings and flown already...now its time to go back to the nest. I've done all the things I had set out to do...well, for the most part that is.
I'm not going to be afraid. If I continue to let fear get the better of me, I'll end up living out the rest of my life (stuck!) here. I'm done with this smoggy ass, hot as hell weather in a place where there are no real trees. I just think I can emotionally and spiritually blossom better back there. With my family.
And the challenge is the best part. Because I'm going to do it. I'm going to make it happen. I may have to sell my soul somewhere along the way, but I'll be there eventually.
This time next year I want to be sitting outside with my family having steamed crabs and drinking beer. I want to take a walk in the fall and walk across freshly fallen leaves and see the trees changing their colors. I want to sit and look out the window and watch the snow falling in the winter.
Now if I can just get it the ball rolling and get things to start falling into place...I'll be set. I'm so ready to leave this place and all the memories behind...