Love dont live here anymore, you've abandoned me
Written at 12:34 p.m. on Tuesday, Jun. 17, 2003

Why is it that I always let myself think that I'm the one to blame for every argument. If I would've waited...if I had taken a different tone...If this, if that...

This morning I was emailing back and forth with a friend and I told him about yesterday. He wrote me back...Glad to hear that it worked out. Something like that happens and you can't find anyone, you call me, I'll come help.

He lives an hour away. Its amazing that he would offer to drive an hour to come help me, but I cant get the sorry ass bastard in the next room to take me two miles. That's sad!

I was also talking to a co-worker about it. He knows "MrBigDaddy" from when he worked here with us. When I told him what he did to me last night, he said What an asshole! What about all of those times you got up at 6 am and drove up to Huntington Beach to pick him up...and he cant take you down the street. Thank you. We laughed when I told him I said the very same thing to him last night.

He better hope and pray that his car stays running, because I'm not helping him out in any way with it. I dont care if he has to stand out on the 405 for me.

I called and left a message with "MrRedemption" to call me back and let me know if he can take the room or not. I've got to get the ball rolling there. I need my sanity back...quickly!

The Fragrant Scent of Yesterday

Your memory still lingers behind

Like incense pouring through my room

Slowly rising up in the air

Dissipating along the way

I reach out to grab it

But it slips right through my fingers

I want to grab hold of it today

Because I know that it wont be there tomorrow

Just like the incense floating in the air

Your memory will slowly fade away

And I am just not ready to let go

But trying to hold on is starting to hurt more

Because I am reaching for something that I canít grab

Reaching for something I canít have

My fingers flow right through it

Entangled in the smoke

The way it dances in the air casting illusions

Ever changing in form and density

Hovering in the air like a ghost

But I canít chase a ghost forever

And just like the incense that will eventually die

So will this piercing ache in my heart

I will watch them both drift away into the darkness

Smoldering into nothingness

All that remains behind are the ashes of what once was

And the hole in my heart where you once lived