The silence is broken now, its over now...the words have been spoken
Written at 9:07 a.m. on Thursday, Jun. 19, 2003
As I was coming home last night, I passed him taking the trash out. I walked in to find the house spotless.
Ha! He thinks that if he cleans the house, that will make up for it all. I found little peace offerings all over the house. Still doesnt make up for it. I dont think anything will. No one...NO ONE...NO ONE gets to talk to me like that. He did say that he felt badly about it, but still...too little, too late.
During one part of the night, he asked me if I was cheating on him. No, I can honestly and confidently say that I'm not. Because we...are not together. We live together, that's about it.
Which apparently, he's still planning on staying. He kept making comments about how "we" should put a plant here...and "we" should put a shelf there. That's fine...he can stay. I dont mind that at all. I think I would be okay with him being there.
The part that was the funniest was when he asked me if I wanted to go to Tennessee when he goes in October. Umm, yeah...I think I'll pass on that one. Why, you dont want to meet my kids? For one, I've got no business in Tennessee, so there's no reason for me to go. Two, I've seen their pictures. Cute kids. Three, I dont want to see her. I can do without that. There is nothing he could say, there is nothing he could do that would get me to go there.
He'll never have my heart again. Ever. He's a sidewinder, so he's sneaky. The minute he feels me pull away, he pulls closer. And in the past, that has worked for him. I've given in. But that's not happening again. I'll be his friend. I'll be his roommate. Will I be his girlfriend? Dont think so. Do I hate him? No, that requires me to care.
I'm going to be strong again. I'm slowly getting my self-respect back. There's no doubt in my mind that I'll get through this. It hasnt been as hard as I thought that it would be. The wounds are slowly healing...and you know what, there really arent any scars like I thought there would be.