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I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips... Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above
Written at 9:00 a.m. on Thursday, Jun. 26, 2003

Wow! Last night was fantastic...on so many different levels.

After work, I went over to "MsMoHoney"'s house. We were all planning to go to "Cheers". "MsSweetTooth"'s brother was coming down to go with us. I had been looking forward to this all day.

At about 9'ish, "MrBigDaddy" calls me on my cell phone. Now mind you, he's been held up in his room (probably avoiding me) for three days now. We were really nice to each other. He said that he had the night off work and would be sitting at home. I made it a point to stress the fact that I was at "MsMoHoney"'s house and wouldnt be going anywhere. Because he's just spiteful enough to show up at "Cheers" and ruin my night...again.

A little later on...he called again Just wanting to know when you're coming home. How about when I get there? I'm sure he thought that I was going to just drop everything and go running home to spend my night with him. He was definitely wrong if he thought that.

Everyone finally showed up and we went to "Cheers". It was a great night. "MsAngelic", "MsTornado" and "MsBootygirl" were already there when I got there. It was so nice to see friendly, familiar faces.

We (the 6 of us) sat in the very back corner table. It was alot more fun than I thought that it would be. Out of all six of us, I think I had the most fun.

I'm really liking "MsSweetTooth"'s brother. He is so nice. And not bad on the eyes at all. We sat in the corner booth with his arm around me all night. It felt so nice. He made me feel like I'm not the piece of shit, reject that "MrBigDaddy" has made me feel like. Not at all, he made me feel beautiful. He made me feel appreciated. He was such a gentleman...holding the doors for me and making sure I had a drink...stuff like that. It felt...wonderful.

I just about melted when we were coming from being outside and someone stopped us to talk and he stood behind me and put his arms around my waste. Its little things like that...they make me glow from the inside out.

At about 1:30 they called last-call so we headed home. I was up for hanging out but "MsMoHoney" was tired, "MsSweetTooth" was sick and her boyfriend, well, he was drunk. So we all said our goodbyes in the parking lot and went our seperate ways. I think we're all going to the beach sunday and "MsSweetTooth"s brother said something about coming back out on Monday.

I kinda overheard him talking to "MsMoHoney". I think it was about me. Or maybe that's just an inflated ego, but I heard him say something like It would be nice, but Lake Forest is a little far. Please dont let him give up so easily...and so soon.

It was hilarious when I got home..."MrBigDaddy" was sitting in the living room watching tv. He made some snide comment about how he called me five hours ago and I said I was going to be home in a little while. I dont think I need to answer to him. I hope its eating him up. Actually, I dont. Because when that happens, he tends to pull closer...and I really dont want him to. I dont think I thought about him once while I was out.

I decided I would stay up for a little bit and hang out with him. He did say something about it being a while since he's seen me. That's because he's been held up inside that batcave of a room of his for three days now. And it typical of him to think I should be waiting by the door when he emerges. That's not happening. I've already gone my own way now. And you know, it feels good.

Last night was incredibly liberating for me. When someone's mentally beat you down for so long, you get this image of yourself like you're the failure and worthless one. Now I see that isnt the case at all. I wont allow him to bring me down to his level.

I'm starting to breathe again...and it feels nice.