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I can't look at you, while I'm lyin next to her
Written at 9:42 a.m. on Tuesday, Jul. 01, 2003

I dont understand why he gets such pleasure out of my pain. I'll never get it.

This morning he was taken to the emergency room. I guess something went wrong at work and instead of letting the place blow up, he got burnt pretty badly. I've always worried about him and this job from day one. He's always getting little burns and cuts.

Well, my worry quickly wore off when he warped right back into asshole mode. See, I made this rule when we broke relationships in the house. So this morning he says Now that you're not giving it up to me anymore, guess I've got to get out there and find someone else. I just think that is the most tacky, insensitive, heartless thing you can say to your ex-girlfriend whom you know still has feelings for you (regardless of the fact that she's obviously retarded to still have feelings for you). Then I mention the rule...Its not like you'd know anyway, you're not here during the day. Its not like she'd be getting up and having breakfast with you. What a piece of shit.

I've been trying to be the bigger person here. But everyday he makes it a little more harder. And everyday I lose a little more sanity. I know once I meet someone else, this will all just become a bad dream. Once someone else steps into the picture, I wont care what he does and with whom.

But right now, its tearing me apart. To even think of him with someone else tears me right in half. He told me last night Just so you know, I havent been with anyone else. Yeah, but how long is that going to last for? Boys will be boys. At least when I had all those doubts and problems dealing with his ex, I knew she was on the other side of the country. To think of someone in my house...that just sickens me.