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Everybody needs a little respect, everybody needs a little time
Written at 12:52 p.m. on Thursday, Jul. 10, 2003

Yeah, just like clockwork. Des, I have to give you credit, girl...when you're right, you're so right.

I was up until almost 3 am cleaning my bedroom. It felt like I had just closed my eyes when I heard him come in. After all the grievances I made yesterday, he was sure to be quiet this time. I could tell he wished he hadnt have been the jackass that he was last night. Sorry, you cant take words back once you say them.

That's what I have always found so perplexing. Why is that people think that they can say whatever the hell they want to say with no regards to the person's feelings they're saying it to, then think a simple "I'm sorry" will erase it and take away all of the pain they've caused. I felt so bad last night because "MsMoHoney" had left because of the comment he made to her (or at least I think that's why she left). After a while I called her to see if she was coming back and she said she wasnt. I got a little snappy and ended up hanging up on her. Now, I did call her back immediately and apologize, but even now I dont feel that was enough.

And that right there is why I dont go out too much. Whenever I'm in a bad mood (which I am in alot), my friends try to talk me into going out with them. I'd rather stay home than to go out in a horrible mood and not only bring everyone else's evening down, but to ensure I dont get irritated and say something I dont mean.

This morning, I glanced at my cell phone and saw that I had a message. It was "MrBigDaddy"..."Just calling to see if you needed anything from the grocery store". Umm, yeah...buy yourself some manners, courtesy and a new heart, buy me a new man, 'preciate it". I dont want a thing from him. Nothing.

Then I'm at the tail end of my lunch break and he calls again...he asks me "Can you please do me a favor?" to which I respond, "Probably not". He called to ask me if I would wake him up at 7:00 tonight. That's why there's an alarm clock on the nightstand, on his side at that. Then he tells me that he bought me a twelve pack of Code Red and a sandwich from Subway. Yeah, he can shove all that up his ass. Hmm, do I sound bitter or what?

This is it, this is the last time. I will not go through another episode like this with him again. He's insane. He's got some serious psychological problems. He should really be seeing someone about them. Maybe taking some psychotropic meds or something. I mean really, he's got some issues that he needs to deal with. Anyone that can treat me like shit and then act like nothing happened the next day has got some problems.

I'm not saying that I'm lil' Ms. Sweet and Innocent and that I never do anything wrong, but any of my friends can tell you that I would bend over backwards for them and treat them with the utmost respect at all times. Sure people have their disagreements and arguments, that's natural...but when you treat someone disrespectfully on purpose, that's another story. That's not right.

On the bright side of my day, I got some good news from my aunt. It seems my other aunt, the one that I stayed with over the Christmas holiday, is coming out next monday with my uncle who's here on business. They are staying the entire week. I cant wait to see her. I almost cried when I found out that she was coming. I almost want to beg her to take me back with them when they leave. It will be so good to see them. I really do love my family alot. They're all I've got.

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I'm feeling: emotionally numb

Listening to: My Brigges Burn-The Cult (Smallville)

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