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I'm harboring a fugitive, defector of a kind...and she lives in my soul and drinks of my wine
Written at 10:13 a.m. on Wednesday, Jul. 16, 2003

The past 24 hours, or so, have just been strange.

Again, last night he took the night off work. I think he's trying to get fired. This would mean that he hasnt been to work since Thursday of last week. So, needless to say he was home bugging the shit out of me last night.

First, I was trying to talk to daze-of-rain online and he felt it neccessary to stand over my shoulder and read every little word that she and I said to each other. Finally, the vicodin he took must've kicked in, because he fell asleep...for a little bit.

While I was online, a friend of mine came online and we talked for a while. He had asked me if I was still with my boyfriend. I responded with a healthy, loud NO. Little did I know, yet again, that he was standing over my shoulder. Could you have said that any more clearer, Tracey? (Sidenote: proper English would have been "clearly")

Then, "MrGIjoe" felt the need to bug the shit out of too. He came in and asked if we were going to the gym. I explained that I had a headache and didnt want to go. His way of trying to persuade me...picture a small child throwing a temper tantrum. He kept nudging my arm with his C'mon Tracey, go to the gym...c'mon Tracey, go the gym...c'mon Tracey, go to the gym. Yeah, its annoying enough to just simply read it, imagine a 20-something man doing that in person...about 20 times.

When I woke up this morning, I noticed that my answering machine was blinking that I had a new message. I hadnt heard it ring and I knew that I had cleared all the messages off of it when I got home last night from work. It was the sweetest thing, it was my mother. She left a message saying that she has just woke up and was thinking about me and wanted to call and see if I was okay. The message was left 3:09am, my time. I wanted to cry just listening to her voice. She has a way of knowing when I'm having a bad time with things and being there when I need her. Mother's intuition, I guess.

What upset me is, he overheard me listening to her message. And he just had to make a smartass comment about it. Oh mommy, calling because she was thinking about you...how sweet. Yeah, I dont see anyone calling and checking up on him. That's because either they dont care enough about him to check...or they're hoping he's been wiped out in a freak napalming accident. I like the fact that my mother cares enough to call me and tell me she was thinking about me. It must really hurt when no one cares about you.

Without a doubt, I am going out tonight. I havent decided if I want to go to "Cheers" or not. I really just want to finally be alone for a little while, but I know that I dont get peace at my house anymore. Last night more than anything, I wanted to go over to "MsMoHoney"'s house and go climb into bed with her and have her talk to me until I fell asleep.

This has been such a random, meaningless entry. I dont really have one thorough thought to focus on right now, just a bunch of elcectic feelings.

I need a good night's sleep...badly.

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I'm feeling: like I like in the smallest apartment in the world and all of the air in atmosphere has been consumed already...cant breathe

Listening to: for once, quiet

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