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I'm a bitch, I'm a lover...I'm a child, I'm a mother
Written at 9:09 a.m. on Monday, Jul. 21, 2003

Yesterday, I ended up finally getting that oil change that my car so desperately needed. "MrGIjoe" went with me and "Ms2inchman" met us there to grab lunch next door. It was fun. I havent really spent much time with her lately. And I miss that.

The three of us ended up going grocery shopping together. It was definitely an interesting say the least. I'm starting to realize exactly how much of a bitch I really am. I'm realizing why I should live in a little corner house with fifty cats. I'be that little old lady that is never seen by anyone and little kids can dare each other to ring my doorbell.

As we were walking along the aisles, each going our seperate ways, "Ms2inchman" comes up to me and says MrGIjoe said that you need to get dish detergent and laundry detergent. So I walked over to "MrGIjoe" and told him that if he needed laundry detergent, he needs to by it for himself. I'm not the maid or caretaker of this house. I know that there was plenty before and if there isnt plenty now, that's because of him. And he really should be buying his own anyway.

I finally get home and get a little relaxed. "MrBigDaddy" called me to let me know he was finishing up work and wanted to see if I wanted to go to the lake to walk around and get ice cream. Yeah, ok...sure.

It was so nice at the lake. The sun was just starting to go down and it was just started to cool down. During dinner my cell phone rang and it was "MsRinglets" who just happens to have the same name as "Ms2inchman" it took me a few minutes to figure out who it was. But "MrBigDaddy" only heard me say her name and thought that I was talking to "Ms2inchman". He kinda rolled his eyes and pointed at the table and food trying to rush me off the phone.

When I got off, we started talking about "Ms2inchman". I told him how she met up with us earlier. I, and I'm not sure why, told him how she got a call from her Army-man while we were having lunch. He's over in Iraq. She makes no claims to her current boyfriend, because its the Army-man that she really loves. I told him about how she's honest with her current boyfriend and tells him You're only a filler until my Army-man comes back. When I told him that, he just looked at me and laughed. Then suggested that we talk about something else. The sparked me. I just looked at him and said Make NO mistakes, I am NO ONE's filler. And then became Uber-bitch for the rest of the night.

As we walked around the lake, I was just seething. Filler! Thanks for turning what could've been a somewhat enjoyable evening into a reminder of just how much of a jackass you are. We stopped at some benches that were right by the water and finished our ice cream. He made a comment Well, you know your date isnt going well when she sets her purse down between the two of you. Oh, are you just now picking up on the size of the disaster here and why this really wasnt a good idea. Can I go home now?

On the way home, I took the back way to the apartment. As we were driving my the school on the corner, he says This is the school I want (oldest daughter with loser girlfriend) to go to...its so close to the apartment. Excuse me! You wont be living here long enough to see ANY of your kids go to school here. Then he starts talking about how the Christmas season is going to be great for him, with all of this work. I asked him how he was pulling that off if he was going to be visiting her near the end of the year for a week or two. Apparently, he's not going now.

I see what's happening here. Something happened between the two of them. He didnt say so, but I can tell. Out of no where he wants to take a walk around the lake calling me his date. Now he's not going to Tennessee and wants his daughter to go to school here. So not happening.

Getting home wasnt any better. I'm trying to quit smoking. Its not really going all that well for me. So I'm sitting in MY living room in MY house and "MrGIjoe" asks me if I can go outside to smoke. Yeah, that's not happening. I could've answered it more tactfully and politely than simply saying This is my house, dont ask me to smoke outside in my own house.

I just feel so trapped in this house. The two of them sat there all night acting like the best of friends. It was sickening. Finishing each other's sentences and making jokes that only the two of them understood. You'd have thought they were long lost friends. Far cry from all the bitching they did about each other last week. Its an ambush, I tell you. "MrGIjoe" is trained for this stuff from the military and "MrBigDaddy" would be all too willing to see that happen. I've lost control over my own house. When, how, why did this happen?

Then, when the movie that we were watching was over, I mentioned putting on the Carson Daly bash. "MrGIjoe" actually told me NO. He didnt want to watch it. Just saying that would have been better than the outright "no" that I received. So when he got up for something, I put it on. He sat there bitching and complaining through the first 20 mins until he went and got headphones. Now, I'm thinking that he's going to go sit in his room listening to them. NO, he sits in the living room right next to us listening to them loudly. Ugh, it was so annoying.

I'm going insane in that house. And its turning me into a BIG BITCH in return.

I really need my own apartment...the fifty cats are optional!