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Hush, hush...keep it down now...voices carry
Written at 12:44 p.m. on Saturday, Sept. 20, 2003

Last night after his friend left our house, we went over to "MsMoHoney"'s house. In the middle of one of our conversations, he said to her Wouldnt you find it strange if your girlfriend were still wearing a ring that her ex gave her? So...I took of the ring, chucked it at him...and told him to keep it.

For the rest of the night I couldnt help thinking about the ring and why I felt I needed to have it. I wondered if he'd offer to give it back to me or I would have to ask for it. Finally, he told me to take it because he didnt want to lose it. So this morning, I took it back off, put it in my jewelry box and put it in the back of my closet.

Its strange because so many times I've had people tell me I really like your ring and all, but I picture you more in sapphire then ruby. Which is the reason why this morning when I put my ruby ring into my jewelry box, I pulled out a sapphire ring my mother gave me when I had went back to MD for my father's funeral almost 9 years ago. And it does fit me better...and I feel better not carrying around a constant reminder of my ex. And hopefully it will make "MrBigDaddy" see that I have gotten past all that went on (or wrong!) with my ex.

I'm still feeling physically and mentally good...and getting better every day. My work makes me happy. My finances are alot better than they have been in months. I'm no longer writing checks with paychecks I havent even gotten yet. That right there is reason enough to smile.

I really thought that when I had lost my job, I was going to hit a wall...hard. But, instead, all of these doors have opened for me instead and I dont feel so blocked off anymore. I'm no longer sitting, stuck in a mundane job that will never take me anywhere. I found out yesterday, that after you've been with the company for 6 months, you can transfer to all different divisions within the company. Hopefully, one of them will land me on the east coast.

I've been thinking alot about it lately. I'm so excited. I cant wait to get out there and see friends and family and start re-building my life back there. It will be nice just knowing that I have family nearby instead of being thousands of miles away. To have a place to go to if I really need someone.

I'm planning on looking up some apartments online to get an idea of where I want to be. Jobs, etc... you know, cross all my T's and dot all my I's. Do it right this time!

I havent heard from my aunt or my uncle in over a month. That's alright with me. I never felt all that close to them. It was only fake smiles and alot of alcohol that would get me through the holidays with them. I'm sorry that we didnt (and never will) have that relationship we should've had. But at least she showed me the person that I dont want to be.

I was talking to my new roommate this morning and he told me that he'd help me fix my computer and even upgrade alot of things on it. I just need to buy a new hard drive, it seems. I'll do the upgrades one at a time. I do really need to get a working computer at home. Even now, sitting at the business center there is another woman talking loudly on her cell phone as she checks her email. So loudly, in fact, that the rental office-guy came upstairs to ask her to keep it down. Although, he could have done it alot more politely than to just stand at the door (equally as loud as she was) and SSSSSHHHHHH'd her.

So yeah, Operation 'Puter is about to be put into effect.