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I'm a survivor...I'm not gonna give up
Written at 7:29 p.m. on Friday, Oct. 10, 2003

Just a quickie to sum up my week...

Things at work are still going great. I have such a wonderful environment there. One of my sales reps that I've become pretty close to came up to me today and told me if I ever needed someone to take me to the doctor's or needed anything, I could count on her. I wanted to cry. That really meant alot to me.

Then on the phone with "MsMoHoney", I told her I didnt want to go home tonight and she told me You can always come to my house. My door is always open for you. I may not be there, but you are welcome anytime. Again, I wanted to cry.

Then, I got online and checked my email. I came here and read my tagboard...I wanted to cry again. My mother left the sweetest, most wonderful message for me there. She called me the other day while I was at work just to tell me that she loved me. And...I wanna cry now.

I have such wonderful people in my life. Ones I see every day, ones I see only ever now and then and even ones I've never met.

One of my emails was from my aunt back in Baltimore. She was more or less giving me a heads up that my aunt...you know, the one I worked with before...is going to call me to see how I am. I want to cry for an entirely different reason.

I dont know how to talk to her. Or if I even want to talk to her. There is alot of pain there. And maybe I should go into it with a mindset that we had two entirely seperate, very different relationships...the family and the business relationships. But the stubborn, hard-headed, still very pissed off fiery redhead in me just wants to tell her...F-OFF!

But then there's the part of me that has never been able to pull off the grudge when a flag has been thrown. And I almost want to tell her how well my new job is going and how much I love it. And how much they love me and are always telling me what a wonderful job I'm doing.

Even today, one of my reps came up to me and hugged me and said You look a little frazzled. Its your first export and its hard, but you're doing a great job and we all think so. So just keep doing what you're doing.

And I want to cry again.

But I still dont know what to do about my aunt. I dont know whether to avoid her and let her know I'm still pissed off...or take her call and let her know that I'm a survivor )another thing my mother taught me) and I wont be held down...by anything or anyone.

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