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Insane in the brain...insane in the membrain
Written at 5:02 p.m. on Monday, Oct. 13, 2003

I'm having one of those days. You know, those days where it must be too hot, or too busy or something. Just an overall irritating day.

Too much has been running through my mind today. I started thinking There's got to be a better purpose in my life than this. I mean, I know I'm not going to cure cancer or anything. But really, I have to find a way to enjoy things more.

Last night, we had "MsMoHoney" over for drinks and he said something that hit me...hard. Tracey, you have a way of not only analyzing things, you analyze them and add more to it than there is or needs to be. And he's absolutely correct.

Step into my head for a moment...

The other day I found a Panda Express receipt on my dresser. I ignored it at first. Then I looked at the date...last saturday. Then I started wondering how, why, and with whom was he there with.

Then my mind ticked on. I started coming up with a million scenerios. He was just eating with one of the guys he works with. Then I thought, Guys dont ususally go grab Chinese together...they get BIG MACS.

And my mind ticked on. He might have had lunch with his ex (the "good" one that lives nearby).

And I wear myself out...

Because, this is how I think. Not only about him, but about everything. Okay, well mostly him...but other things too.

I do analyze the hell out of things. And I do come up with things that are probably so off course that it would make a normal person laugh at me.

For instance, he told "MsMoHoney" about how I freaked out about all the candles he lit when we were watching Lord of the Rings. He said to the point it didnt make it such and enjoyable experience.

Now I didnt think I was over-reacting...that much. He had my living room lit up like Rockefeller Center on Christmas Eve. And I am Obsessive Compulsive. I couldnt thoroughly enjoy the movie while constantly worrying about the fire hazard that he created.

Maybe I am insane...or at least borderline (Insert favorite disorder here).

SO I got to thinking that maybe, just maybe, all of my problems with him have stemmed and thrived from my very own mind. That I produced them myself and are as real as the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus. (Sorry for ruining it for you kids that still beleive.)

So following my new mantra...I'm just going to let things roll and not press on about them so much.

Breathe...Breathe...Breathe...

and maybe gain some sanity, reason and accountability back!

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