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Its a beautiful day, dont let it get away...
Written at 4:07 p.m. on Wednesday, Oct. 22, 2003

I'm only halfway through this week, yet it feels like it will never end.

This weekend had its ups and downs. Friday night I realized that I had a perscription that needed to be filled and my pharmacy is on strike. Well, after the lady at my doctor's after-hours service finished SIGHING deeply and stating Well, Tracey...did you even stop to think about this at any time before 6 pm on a friday night?, she called my doctor on three-way and got him on the phone. No worries, just tell me where you want it call in at and its there. He's the bestEST!

So when I finally made it to pick up my perscription, it turned into a fiasco. First, there was the lady that got sick all over the counter that I nearly put my purse into. Then, there was the pharmacist that couldnt give me my receipt because it had blood on it...that wasnt mine! Finally, there was the lets say...foreign family...that wanted to purchase 20 items...ONE BY ONE! Ma'am, that will be $ item please. For the love of God, I dont know what kind of place they are running there.

I was so grossed out by all the vomit and blood that I couldnt get home fast enough to take a shower. My dreams were abruptly shattered when I got home, got in and went to lather up with shampoo. He ("MrBigDaddy") had apparently left the top of the shampoo bottle open and now has the consistency of WATER. Do you know exactly how hard it is to put something like that into your palm and then onto your head??? Lets just say, I didnt master it all that well.

So when he got home and I had bitched about it, all he could say was Yeah, I know...I did that on purpose. For what purpose...I'm not quite sure! I'm not even sure why he uses shampoo as he BARELY HAS ANY HAIR!

This week hasnt been too bad. No fights or arguments...with him or anyone. Life is still going at an even, steady pace for me.

Enough ranting and raving for me...

I am finally getting online to update and check my email for the first time in four days. In my guestbook there's a note my mother left for me. It made me cry. It made everything else going on seem insignificant. It definitely brightened my somewhat dreary day.

I was listening to a girl that I work with talk about her parents today. She said how her father was murdered when she was 12 and her mother committed suicide when she was 15. It broke my heart into a million different pieces to hear that. I couldnt imagine going through that at such a young age.

I remembered watching my father struggle with his own demons while secretly wishing that something would happen to end all of his suffering. I dont know how I would have felt then if it had actually happened. In a way, the man that I grew up knowing had disappeared around that time anyway.

Its one thing when you know someone is there and you, in a very naive way, beleive that they always will be. Its another thing when life gives you that bolt of reality and then one day they're gone. That's why I try not to go to bed mad or angry and always let the people that I love know it.

In a conversation that I had with my mother this weekend, we started talking about my grandparents and what would happen if something happened to one or both of them. That was one of my biggest reasons for going back home this past Christmas. I hadnt been back since 1995 and had been carrying around this aching feeling that something might happen to someone very close to me and I wouldnt have the chance to see them.

Time is a very mysterious thing. Seconds pass and we think nothing of it, days pass and nothing...then you get older and look back and wonder where it all went. You dont feel yourself getting any older...until you're there and wonder how you got there. And time doesnt stand still for a moment.

No time for wasting...