Goodbye to you...goodbye to everything that I knew
Written at 10:00 a.m. on Friday, Apr. 16, 2004
I have done it...or at least in the process of doing it.
I am moving out of my apartment...alone!
I feel so badly because every day I look at him and think, "He has no idea of what is about to hit him". It kinda breaks my heart, yet there comes a point where yours has been broken so often and you are so worn down by the pain that there feelings arent even of consideration any more. Such is the case here.
It is going to KILL me to do this. Its going to literally take everything that I have to do this. And it hurts to bad, but its something that I will have to do if I ever want to be completely happy.
I think he has an inkling of what is going on. Yesterday, he came out of the store with something for me and I thanked him for it and told him he didnt have to. He said, "I figured I should be nice and do things for you while you're still here, being as you're looking for a one bedroom apartment and all". No, the fact is he should have been nice and did things for me from the very beginning instead of waiting until its too late.
Then last night when he came from work, we kinda had a little argument to which I finally said, "I dont want to argue about this...I dont care!" He got very quiet and said, "If you arent happy, you should go and find someone else. I'm tired of you not being happy and the guilt attached to it." He still doesnt get it! HE HAD EVERY CHANCE TO BETTER THE SITUATION! Instead of a rebuttle, I just said, "Okay!"
I have had nothing but little obstacles in my path for most of my life, this is no different. This, like everything else, will hurt bad...but in the end there will be more laughs and smiles...and less tears. It will all be worth it.
This still hurts though...