Written at 1:29 a.m. on Sunday, Apr. 25, 2004
Its been a long and painful weekend...figuratively and literally.
First, I woke up with a headache the size of Texas. And for some reason the medicine my doctor prescribed me does nothing for me. It was so hard to get out of bed. In fact, I didnt get up until 2:30 and even then I didnt want to.
"Ms2inchman" was having a going away party today. I was supposed to be there at noon, but didnt actually get there until 3. I felt bad for getting there late since it may be a long time until I see her again. She's moving to Kentucky to live with her boyfriend. I will miss her dearly. She's been a big part of my life for the past three years.
After I left her house, I went straight to my co-worker's house for a party that she was throwing for a former co-worker. For the most part, I had a good time. Granted, I just spent five hours with a bunch of people that I already spend 40 hours a week with. And I'm okay with the fact that I didnt get a paid a dime for it either.
Halfway through, I ran home to pick Matt up. We had been becoming good friends with a couple that was there. Actually, the girl is who the party was for. It was very interesting (and I use the word loosely) to see Matt interacting with MY co-workers. I felt bad because as he was introducing himself to them, I could almost hear them saying to themselves, "Oh, so you're the asshole she's always talking about. Its nice to finally put a face to the ass". But actually, they were all pretty nice to him.
I can only imagine how he felt being there. The girl that I'm moving in with was there as well. And he had to constantly hear people asking about us living together.
It was sad, because the other day he said, "In one month I'm going to be homeless". That he said it wasnt the sad part, it was that he said it seeming like he was the victim in this. Like he was this angelic person and he couldnt understand why someone would leave him. I quickly reminded him of his sharp tongue and how he's the one that made this bed. And he cant try to play the underdog to get sympathy out of anyone. I mean really, when someone is in your face non-stop saying, "If you dont like ______, then get another roommate". Well, I didnt like it, therefore I got another roommate.
And I think this is going to be a very big, positive step for me. I need to get away from him. I need to cut all ties with him and get on with my life. I cant get him to understand that in a month from now when I move out of here, I really never want to see him again. I know that seems extremely harsh of me, but it would be too hard for me to just hang out with him and be friends. I dont want to subject myself to that.
Tomorrow, I'm going to take some stuff over to my new apartment. I think today the reality of it all started to sink in. In one month, I'm going to be living in a new place completely Matt-free. A big part of me is going to big hurting bigtime for a while, yet there's an even bigger part of me that knows this is for the best and in the long run I'll be much more happier.
And I have to continually remind myself that there is going to a rainbow after this storm...I just know it!