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Written at 10:01 p.m. on Monday, Apr. 26, 2004

This is killing me.

I hate the thought of leaving my home. I hate the thought of him not being here. I hate the feeling of knowing that there's no turning back now.

I love the feeling of starting over. I love the feeling of the hope and faith that I have. I love the feeling of knowing that there's no turning back now.

I'm definitely curious to see what my life is going to be like in a year from now. I'm tired of consistantly altering my life due to circumstances and other people. I want to live for me now. Even if that means leaving the home that I love.

I've already slowly started moving my things to my new apartment. My heart is not totally into this new place yet. I dont know that it will be any time soon either. I just know that if I stayed in this place, no matter how much I love it, I'll always come in that front door and hope he'll be on the other side.

And I need to get over this. And I need to get on with my life. And I need to better my situation. And I need to let go. And I need to grow.

And I need to live...

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