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Someday I'm hoping to close my eyes and pretend that this crumpled up paper can be perfect again...
Written at 8:52 p.m. on Monday, Jul. 19, 2004

This is so not how I thought that I'd spend the second half of my twenties...

I wanted it to be parties...and laughs...and friends...and no worries. Instead, its numbness...and tingling...and weekly shots...and nothing but worries. And the worst part is, this will continue long after my twenties have come and gone. This is something that I'll have to deal with FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. And that saddens me to no depth.

I'm tired of worrying and wondering if I'll get better or continually get worse. I'm tired of wanting to put on a pair of tennis shoes and run until I cant run anymore, meanwhile I can sometimes barely make it down the stairs. I'm tired of my co-workers constantly asking me why I'm limping. I'm tired of seeing my dreams slip through my fingers, the same fingers that I can barely feel with. I'm just tired. Not to mention scared.

But I'll gt up tomorrow no different than I did today...with a smile and a positive attitude. And I'll stumble to my car and drive to work. And I'll tell my co-workers that I sprained my ankle doing something active. And I'll wear pants to cover up the bruises on my legs, because I'm not as graceful as I once was. And I'll come home after work because I have no more energy for anything else. And I'll go to sleep really early so I can get up and live another repetitive day out.

So when you ask, "What's new with you?"...the answer is, "not much!"

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