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I'm staring at the world through my rearview...
Written at 11:08 a.m. on Tuesday, Aug. 31, 2004

I used to think to myself, "Man, (insert loser of the month's name here) is the worst boyfriend EVER!"

That was before I met Matt. Now I can say hands-down, without a shadow of a doubt that he was the worst for me. He's a cancerous form of life that wears you down to where reality doesnt exist anymore and you're just too buzzed from the after-effects to notice the difference. To the point you're so worn down that you cant eat, sleep, walk, chew gum while walking, form full sentences, or even breathe without a ventilator. You may even need a pacemaker after a conversation with him.

I look back at my past relationships...and they werent that bad. I had "MrApronStrings", who aside from the fact that he spent more time with his mother than me, really took care of me well. And, "MrLightening" who knew how to look deeply into your eyes, tell you he'd never lie/cheat/steal, have you beleive it...and actually hold true to the promise. What was I thinking??? Obviously I wasnt.

So my point to all of this is...a.) you really dont know what you've got until its gone and its become something you HAD...b.) the grass isnt greener on the other side, its just a different astroturf and it all depends on how often you water...c.) Dont stay with someone until they've sucked you dry and left you a hollow, empty shell of a is too short and you're just way too valuable and precious. I held true to NONE of this...and now have a disaster area to clean up.