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Written at 12:06 p.m. on Wednesday, Sept. 15, 2004

To date I have lost 108 pounds! I can hardly beleive it. Gawd, it sure feels nice to go clothes shopping and actually have stuff fit. And be able to shop at places that have normal sizing. Its time to retire all of the clothes that no longer fit.

I have been mentally and physically feeling better lately. My hands are still extremely numb, but other than that...I dont feel too bad. I finally got my Cobra problems worked out so my medicine shouldnt have any interuption while I change insurance with my new employer. Yay for that!

Things all around have been so much better. MATT has been so much better. I know it sounds like a patterned topic, give in-give up over and over, but this is his LAST chance. We sat down and talked it over until I was blue in the face...mostly because I did most, if not all, of the talking. I told him that he has 5 months to pull his shit together, keep it together AND convince me that it will stay together. If not, we wont be together. In 5 months, I'm getting my own 1 bedroom apartment and its his actions that will determine if he is coming with me or not...because this time I will leave his ass behind...with no regrets. He says that he wants us to be together and that he loves me so much, well now its time for him to prove it.

Yesterday, he surprised me and showed up at my work to take me to dinner. That was nice. During dinner, I mentioned that I was dreading going home and taking care of all of the stuff waiting for me...laundry, putting my new omforter set on my bed and rearranging the room so its not a maze and easier for me to move around in. All he could say was he'd help me when we get back. But, when we got back and I opened my bedroom door I saw that he already did ALL of it himself. That was so nice. I'm all little boy may just be turning into a man after all.

Well, I must get back to work now. And hey, that is a little better too...I'm not wanting to puke everyhour on the hour...just every other!